


With One Breath

by beatrixlowe



Category: Original Work
Genre: Chinese Character, Chinese New Year, Fluff and Humor, Indian Character, Lion Dance, M/M, Singapore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-10-21 15:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17645522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatrixlowe/pseuds/beatrixlowe
Summary: It's the time of the year again when Fung Wu Lion Dance Troupe collaborates with the freshies from NTU's Lion Dance CCA, for a performance at a shopping centre as part of Chinese New Year's celebration. Veteran Head dancer Wei Loong dreads the collaboration, convinced that the students are either lacking in talent or drive, but his assumption is soon challenged. Well-built and with a good attitude, the new partner makes a promising Tail dancer. Wei Loong just has to get used to the fact that his new partner is Indian, and apparently a childhood friend he cannot quite remember.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for checking out this story! Since CNY is around the corner, I figured it's a great time to begin work on this idea I've had for years lol. This is my second attempt at writing an SG BL, though this work will be shorter than Point of Information due to lack of time to write. Like POI, this story will contain Singlish, some of which will be explained at the bottom of each chapter. I won't be explaining usage of tags like 'lah', 'leh', 'loh' etc.
> 
> Dedicated to all SG fujoshis! Happy CNY and HUAT AH!

The Lion leapt to its feet, awakened by the pulsing beats of drums and cymbals. Its beard swung as it looked around, large eyes blinking with fascination at the crowd, until they locked on to the prize hanging on a vertical pole far from reach. Its mouth fell open, its hind legs paced from restlessness and it lowered itself to the roll of drums, summoning its courage and plotting a way to overcome the obstacles that stood between it and the Green*.

Amidst the sea of people, a boy held his breath, perched atop his father's shoulders and clutching the greying hair a little tighter. Higher than everyone else, nearer to the stage than his physical self, the boy's soul merged with the Lion's. As it took a leap of faith up the first pole, so did the boy's heart soar, and despite the explosion of cheers, he only heard his own voice.

To the Lion balancing on the pole, working to reach its goal, and to the its bone and flesh - the two men hiding under the fabric, working to bless the crowd on New Year's Day.

"Jia you*!" The boy cupped his hands around his mouth, took a deep breath and yelled again. "Jia you!"

+++

“Jia you my ass!”

The exclamation filled the hall of the community centre, drawing concerned looks from the rest of the Lion Dance troupe. While at first alarmed, the glances soon became filled with mirth, and those who knew the context chuckled at their team mate’s plight. The shout had come from the younger man standing by the stage and it was doubtless because their manager had given him yet another difficult client to deal with. With his hair dyed blond and the tribal tattoo peeking from his folded t-shirt sleeve, the young man looked like a stereotypical gangster. But the family knew its members, and no one was intimidated by the barks of a chihuahua.

“Just because I do customer service job doesn’t mean I have to take the shit every time hor!” The younger man continued ranting, one fist shaking in mid-air in his signature display of fury. “You go and call that Mr Lim yourself. Say cannot perform means cannot. No choice what, schedule clash is our fault meh?” There was a moment of quietness as the older man explained with a patient smile why he could not take on the task himself. “Huh? Only want me or Shi Fu* to speak to him? Wah kao*, who he think he is sia, president ah? Gan*!”

“Ah Loong, relax.”

Sounding from the entrance, the deep voice was calm as still water, but its hint of warning came as a torrent, knocking apart Wei Loong’s anger and resetting his stance. He turned with everyone else to greet his teacher, hands by his side and head bowed, whereas some took a more casual approach, smiling and waving as the middle-aged man strode across the hall. His kind eyes and round belly earned him the nickname of Cai Shen Ye, the God of Fortune, but the older members of the troupe knew how the man was not to be trifled with. Case in point, Wei Loong had instantly decided to take on the shitty task than risk his master’s wrath.

“Mr Lim told me before, he really hoped you can perform for his restaurant,” Master Ye stopped in front of Wei Loong and smiled. “Make sure to let him down gently.”

“Yes, Shi Fu.”

“Also, we all know you don’t mean disrespect, but Ah Hok is still your elder.”

“Yes.” Wei Loong swallowed and bowed to the troupe’s manager. “Sorry Ah Hok.”

Satisfied with the apology, Master Ye nodded and turned to face everyone.

“As you all know, from today onwards we have first year students from NTU with us. They are waiting outside the hall now. Just like last year and the year before, make sure you show them kindness and teach them without holding back. Get them ready for your joint performance at One Point Shopping Centre next month and show them the true spirits of Fung Wu Lion Dance.”

An applause sounded at the end of the speech with majority of the troupe eager to meet the freshies. Ah Loong, on the other hand, was less than thrilled. He knew he would most likely be paired with a new Tail, and it was a duty he dared not refuse, but he was determined to hammer in some discipline to his partner this year. There was no way he would endure another round of coaching lazy assholes. In his opinion this whole collaboration benefitted the University students but not the troupe, and he could not understand why Master Ye was so adamant about it, to the point of rejecting a client who requested the same performance timeslot.

“Now before I invite them in, there is something important to note.” Master Ye continued speaking, and the hall hushed to listen. “One of the students is Indian, so I request that everyone speak in English during our joint training sessions.”

There was a brief pause of surprise, then hesitant murmurs, with some worrying about their lack of proficiency in the English language. Before it could escalate, however, Master Ye gave the command for the students to enter. Wei Loong joined in the clapping as he leaned against the stage and studied the hatchlings. There were two girls and four guys, and the Indian stood out at once, literally, since he was the tallest. He was rather good-looking too, enough to make their resident bimbo Auntie Lian swoon. As the discomfort faded into intrigue, Wei Loong clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. He did not care much about things like races, and it was none of his business that the Indian guy wanted to learn Lion Dance. Besides, if he was not wrong, there was another Lion Dance troupe somewhere in Singapore that consisted mainly of non-Chinese people, which should not come as a surprise in a country where people ate curry and dim sum in the same foodcourt.

It was a pity though. Wei Loong cast his eyes over the other three guys and sighed. The Indian might have made a good Tail, at least he had a better physique than Specs, Chubby and Lanky. Alas, it would be too difficult for the Indian to catch up as a complete newbie…

“Ah Loong, this Satish,” Master Ye pulled the Indian closer and introduced in broken English. “He do Lion Dance got four years, so he and you partner.”

“Huh?!”

The shock escaped Wei Loong before he could stop himself, and in regret, he clasped both hands over his mouth. That had been incredibly rude, even for him, and he was ashamed of his own internalized racism. Why did he assume that the Indian had no experience?

In front of him, Satish stood tall and proud, a laid-back smile spreading his lips, unfazed by the exclamation. His short wavy hair was neatly combed to the side and back, with a few stray strands dangling by his deep-set eyes. Wei Loong never watched Bollywood movies, but as he looked up at the towering man, he thought Satish might be more suited to acting than Lion Dance. Too bad, life was cruel, and just like how he was blessed with a handsome face and cursed with shortness, Mr Bollywood had to keep his charisma hidden under the Lion’s fabric.

Noticing the extended hand, Wei Loong composed himself and reached out for a firm handshake.

“Please pardon my outburst earlier, and welcome to Fung Wu Lion Dance.” He spoke in his customer service voice.

“Nah, it’s okay.” Satish gave an easy shrug. “I was shocked at first too.”

This time, Wei Loong managed to keep his ‘huh’ unspoken despite his confusion. How could Satish be shocked by his own interest in Lion Dance? Had he eaten curry one day, jumped from his seat and pointed to the sky in head-bobbling epiphany? Trying to keep his racist imaginations at bay, Wei Loong cleared his throat and tilted his head to prompt for some explanation.

What ensued were five seconds of bafflement with both men tilting their heads in turn.

“Oh. I get it. You don’t recognise me,” Satish said at last. “It’s me lah, the Indian boy at the CC. It’s been fifteen years, Loong Kor Kor*.”

The long-forgotten nickname sparked a distant memory of his early childhood and his mad infatuation with Lion Dance after watching that one performance on New Year’s Day. He had bugged his father to sign him up for an enrichment course at a community center, which marked the start of his journey. It was true someone called him ‘Loong Kor Kor’ and followed him everywhere at that time, but the memory was hazy at best. He put on a sheepish smile, ready to admit the truth that he could not remember, until he saw the look that Satish wore, bright eyes blinding him with rays of hope. Driven by a sudden need to live up to those expectations, Wei Loong changed his mind.

“Uh, yeah! Hey, it’s been a long time, huh?” He lied, and he felt a prick in his chest when Satish beamed with joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ‘New Year’ here refers to Lunar New Year.  
> *Green – In Lion Dance, one of the highlights is ‘Plucking the Green’ where the Lion reaches for the lettuce hung on a pole, ‘eats’ it, and later scatters it for good luck.  
> *Jia You – A cheer in Chinese, literally translates to ‘add oil’.  
> *Shi Fu – Master  
> *Wah Kao – An exclamation of frustration and exasperation. Literally ‘I cry’.  
> *Gan – fuck  
> *Kor Kor – big brother
> 
> Disclaimer: Please don’t shoot me for the racist jokes! I am very aware how nasty racism is and how it hurts the minorities. Even though SG is considered very peaceful, there IS still racism that we fight daily to preserve the peace. That said though, SGreans have definitely developed a unique sense of humour and many of us, including the minorities, are okay with certain racist jokes. Some of my Indian friends crack more jokes about their own race than my Chinese friends. We know when it’s a harmless joke, just like how we know to code-switch between standard English and Singlish. It all depends on the context.
> 
> Comments: I’ll work on this story as quickly as I can, but I don’t have many hours to write each day as a mom. I’ll be frank and admit I’m also trying to complete KH3. So this story will likely continue even after CNY, and I’ll do my best to update at least once a week!
> 
> Work is also posted on my fb page, Twisted Medley. Do follow me there as well! ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've finished KH3 so from now on I'll be updating the story more frequently ^^ Currently I'm still not sure how long this fic will last heh, so it's be great if you could stick around for the wild ride hurhurhur.  
> Once again, all Singlish terms will be explained at the bottom, and I wont be explaining terms I've already explained in the previous chapter.

Interest in the Indian boy faded quickly in favour of the twins. Wei Loong had been too busy talking to Satish on the first day to notice the two girls were identical beauties, and by the time he did, the battle to be their mentors had already reached a conclusion.

“See, you can tilt the head like this and blink, cute right?” Another Lion dancer explained with demonstration, eliciting giggles from the short-haired twin. Wei Loong glanced at them from the side, narrowing his eyes and grinding his teeth, unable to get over his envy though it was already their third practice session. Who gave Botak* Yong permission to mentor the adorable Mei Mei*? That joker only knew how to flirt; Wei Loong would have made a better mentor if he was not stuck with Satish!

“You want to try?” Botak Yong led the girl to hold the Lion’s head, hands guiding her arms with intent that was as suspicious as the grin he wore. “Want me to carry you?”

“No, thanks.”

The cold voice shot in from behind, and as Wei Loong turned to look, he was greeted by a gust of wind as the older twin dashed to the rescue, long ponytail flowing. She slapped Botak Yong’s hand away and gave him a good glare, before circling to her sister’s back, assuming a wide stance and lifting her up in the air. The younger twin yelped in surprise before the older calmly instructed her to step on her thighs. They managed to sustain the pose for a few seconds, and Wei Loong gave an impressed whistle. The Jie Jie had definitely been through some training. There was no other reason how a petite girl below 160cm could lift and stabilise someone her own size with such ease.

“Wow, she’s good.” Satish commented and clapped. It was unclear when he showed up. “Seldom see girls doing the lifting.”

“You’ll see more if you go overseas, they’re not that rare. But yeah, she’s not bad.” Wei Loong brushed past Satish and gestured to the group at the drums, particularly at Chubby Yeo who was hammering the beats that Auntie Lian taught him. “That one also not bad. He learn before, is it?”

“Yeah, he joined Lion Dance in Secondary School, like me.”

Wei Loong hummed in acknowledgement, and after some hesitation he decided to put in the effort to get to know his new partner. “Why you join Lion dance out of all the CCAs*?”

“Because I liked it.” Satish chuckled. “And also because my only other choice was Choir and I cannot sing.”

“Huh, why so limited?”

“Had tuition and enrichment classes on the other days.” The explanation came with a shrug. “My parents are the hard-core type.”

“Oh.” Wei long supposed that was enough socializing. Anyway they probably won’t meet much after the collaboration. “Okay show me your footwork. Remember all your steps?”

Ditching the USB speakers in favour of Chubby Yeo, Wei Loong supervised the practice, shouting advice from time to time. Satish had the sequence of steps memorized, from the Lion’s waking to its exploration phase, but their coordination was weak since it was the first time Satish was doing the choreography with live drumming. After a few rounds, Wei Loong partnered up with Satish and asked Ah Hok to give comments. The grey-haired manager happily obliged, pulled a chair from a round table and watched while sipping coffee.

“So? What you think?” Wei Loong asked after Chubby Yeo was summoned back to practice with Lanky Lim and Specs Keith.

“Oh, good, good, so far all good,” was Ah Hok’s enlightening feedback. Wei Loong tried to be patient.

“How you think we can improve?”

“Aiya Ah Loong you very good liao worry for what? Satish also very good…” Just as Wei Loong was about to pop a vein, Ah Hok paused and scrunched up his mouth and nose in contemplation. “But I think hor, Ah Loong your style is very fierce, but Satish very relax leh. Like that your Lion will look half-half, head hyper but buttock still sleepy.”

From across the table, Botak Yong overheard the conversation and burst into a mocking laugh. Wei Loong threw a long-distance punch in the direction.

“Guess I better shake my ass more,” Satish said with a helpless smile. “But Ah Hok, unfortunately our Lion will always be half-half. There’s something we can’t fix.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?” Wei Loong wondered if there was a more serious fault that he failed to note. After all, as the one standing behind, Satish would get a better picture of their coordination.

He let himself be dragged by his arm so they stood side by side with hips touching. Then Satish hugged his arm and leaned over like an oversized maiden.

“Because our Lion is ChinDian* lah, dey*.”

Ah Hok let out a good-natured laugh whereas Wei Loong rolled his eyes and thought himself stupid to have taken Satish seriously. He pulled his arm away.

“Okay enough joking. Come with me, I want to practice with the poles.”

With that, Wei Loong led the way out of the hall. Their storeroom was located on the opposite side of the Community Centre, and it was easier to get there by cutting through the outdoor basketball court. He sighed at the sight of the night sky, quite glad to be away from the noise and chaos, even though he loved his boisterous team. After a full day at work making and answering calls, he was glad to have some peace. Such sentiment seldom graced his mind when he was a teenager; he reckoned he must be getting old, which was a rather pathetic thought considering he was only in his mid-twenties.

“We will have only three short poles on our actual performance, so it’s going to be easy. But this Saturday Shi Fu will be here so we better have the basics down first.” He unlocked the door and went inside, greeting his favourite Lion, Sesame, on his way past the neat metal racks. “Show you here, so you know where to get what. Next time you help me take everything.” A few more steps brought him to the end of the small room, and there he retrieved the equipment. Okay done, let’s go.”

“This reminds me of the past. I used to follow you around just like this.”

Satish’s comment caught Wei Loong by surprise, and he stumbled on the web of his own lie.

“Yeah loh. You were so annoying back then.” He laughed a little to mask his discomfort.

Satish laughed as well, except it was more sincere, one that tinkled with fondness of the past. Wei Loong took a step back as the poles were lifted from his arms.

“I guess I was, huh? But you still called me your Xiao Di*.” Satish set the poles against his shoulders. “And now, it’s finally time for your Xiao Di to serve you.”

Something about the helpful gesture made Wei Loong more flustered than he should be. His mouth hung open, caught between thanking Satish and arguing that he did not need help. It was not a big issue, his team mates often helped one another, but what Satish said turned the gesture to a show of loyalty, or even a repayment of some kind of debt that Wei Loong certainly did not remember.

“O-Oh. Thanks,” he mumbled the lame reply while scratching his head. The guilt he had felt at day one turned into panic. It seemed too late for him to admit the truth, and he was starting to feel really bad for forgetting everything when Satish obviously treasured their shared memories. It was as if he betrayed Satish.

Shaking his head, Wei Loong thought himself ridiculous to be this bothered. It wasn’t his fault that he forgot; he was like, what, seven? Satish was the unusual one for remembering so much even though he was only five years old back then. Besides, they were only going to be in contact for the duration of the collaboration. Satish was a temporary team mate at best, and definitely more of an acquaintance than a friend. Wei Loong was just telling a white lie to avoid awkwardness. No harm done.

But when Wei Loong got back to the hall and their practice resumed, he learned how troublesome it was to keep up with the lie. Their brief conversation earlier seemed to have unlocked the floodgates, and Satish grew more talkative. In between setting up poles and discussing choreography, he reminisced about their old teacher and brought up at least five fragments of memories, each beginning with “do you remember when…”

It pushed the limits of Wei Loong’s tolerance. Truth was, he didn’t care. Whatever happened in the past was in the past, the only thing that mattered for him was that they were good enough for the joint performance. Then he could hopefully persuade his Master to stop wasting their time with these collaborations and get back to joining competitions.

“…I still remember that time when you fell from the chair –”

“Okay, Satish, enough.” Wei Loong held up a hand and took a deep breath. “I think we should just focus and figure out our choreography for now.”

“Hmm? That’s what we’re doing, right?”

The nonchalance in Satish’s tone fueled the spark of annoyance he was trying to simmer. He crossed his arms and kept a straight face, reminding himself not to explode even as the younger man stood up to flaunt his infuriating height.

“Yeah, it is, and I’d appreciate it if you don’t talk about other things.” It was better to remain professional. “Right now we have to figure out what kinds of lifts you are comfortable with doing so we can incorporate them in our choreography.”

“Sure,” Satish dragged the word. His eyes were lowered as if in lament. “I can do any style of lifting so I guess it’s up to you.”

Again, the nonchalance. Taking another deep breath didn’t help, and Wei Loong was overcome with an urge to taunt the overly confident dancer, to expose his weaknesses and shove it in his face as proof that he needed to take the practice more seriously.

“Okay. Okay.” Wei Loong gave rapid and shallow nods, his jaw shifting to the side. “Then we try all the lifts now.”

Challenge issued, he turned to grab his black sash and tied it around his waist. His tone must have leaked his frustration, and some members gathered to watch the show, which was fine since he was not the one about to be embarrassed.

“First, basic lift.” Once he felt the hands gripping the sash, Wei Loong leapt, showcasing the full power of his jump. Satish reacted in time, going with the momentum and hoisting him up so that when he drew in his knees, his feet were above Satish’s head. He repeated the jump twice, and each time Satish was a perfect support, but that, in Wei Loong’s opinion, was the minimum requirement.

Next was the Launch, where the Tail dancer would lift the Head and run forward before setting him down. Wei Loong mixed that with the 180, leading to three consecutive lifts: running forward, turning, and running back to the start. It was at this point that Wei Loong considered forgiving Satish. Despite his face pace, Satish followed with neither resistance nor hesitation, and that was a sign of humility. Perhaps he was being too harsh, Wei Loong thought as they moved to the next lift, the Horse Stance that the twins performed earlier. Satish had some rights to be confident; out of these three years of collaboration, he was definitely the best partner. Strength, speed, stability – he had them all, and Wei Loong actually felt safe with his support.

“Okay, can, good enough.” He smiled and dismissed his petty anger. Talkative or not, as long as Satish could perform with this standard, Wei Loong was glad to be his partner.

Sensing the end of the showcase, the audience dispersed. Satish, however, seemed less satisfied.

“What about the Head Lift? I think that’ll look nice when we get to the tallest pole.”

“Yeah lah, but it’s okay.” There were only three poles anyway, so there was no need to complicate things. That was what Wei Loong thought, but his explanation ended up sounding very different. “Don’t want to do too much for newbies.”

“I’m not a newbie.”

The soft retort was layered with indignation, and Wei Loong realized there was more to Satish than just a boring, chillax* person. Despite the tension, he smirked, liking this guy more now that it seemed he had a backbone. His smirk, however, was misinterpreted by Satish, whose frown deepened ever so slightly.

The next thing Wei Loong knew, Satish was behind him against, grasping both his sash and the waistband of his trousers.

“Hey, what -?”

“Jump.”

The pressure on his hips signaled the impending lift and there was no time to argue. In his hurry, Wei Loong failed to prepare for his jump, and the result was a lame hop than an actual leap. But Satish followed the momentum and added to it, pushing him up high at an unexpected speed and making him suck in a breath. It was muscle memory that aided Wei Loong, and despite the shock, he found balance as he sat on top of Satish’s head and got into the right posture, both arms straightened and one knee drawn up.

When his feet touched ground again, he stumbled back and panted, one hand over his thumping heart. If he had been unlucky this day, like he was back in the competition four years ago, Satish’s neck could have been injured. The blood that drained from his face came rushing back, and he felt such a surge of shame that he forgot about keeping their relationship cordial.

“Oi chee bai*!” He yelled, and at once the hall grew silent. “You know that’s fucking dangerous?! You’re not supposed to lift before I’m ready!” Gritting his teeth, he strode forward and grasped the front of Satish’s tshirt. “You think this is funny? You come here to play play is it? To show off?”

“No, that’s not what I –” Satish mumbled but he was cut off.

“Well you better get the fuck out of my sight before I break your nose.”

“Hey, hey, Ah Loong. Ah Loong!” Botak Yong shouted as he, along with two other men, dragged Wei Loong away from Satish. “Chill, man, chill.”

“Chill your botak head!” Wei Loong struggled.

“Come on lah, he’s newcomer. Just a student lah. Scold a bit can already, no need to whack him lah.”

Wei Loong wanted to argue, but then he heard a high-pitched scream that could only come from one person. Auntie Lian rushed into the hall, panicking like someone was going to die.

“What? What happened huh, Satish? Ah Loong?” Her eyes widened so much from worry that Wei Loong could count her fake eyelashes. It seemed she was about to leave early for a date night with her husband. “Oi, don’t grip his arm so tight!” She scolded Botak Yong. “Later got blue black, how?”

“Huh? So I’m the bad guy now?” Botak Yong complained, but did as he was told anyway and let go.

Wei Loong took deep breaths, willing himself not to lose his shit in front of Auntie Lian. That old bimbo maybe too kaypoh* for her own good, but she always baked cakes and cookies for them.

Shrugging away the remaining hands on his shoulder, Wei Loong glared squarely at Satish.

“I don’t care if we were childhood friends. If you give me this kind of shitty attitude again, if you put the team at risk for whatever reason, you answer to my fist.”

Throughout his warning, Satish remained motionless, standing straight but looking down and avoiding eye contact. Either remorse had rendered him speechless, or he couldn’t be bothered enough to apologise. It didn’t matter.

Wei Loong called it a day and stomped out of the hall, trying not to dwell on the sound of Satish’s laughter, and trying to convince himself that he had not just overreacted.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> Botak – Bald
> 
> Mei Mei – Younger Sister
> 
> Jie Jie – Older Sister
> 
> CCA – Co-Curriculum Activities
> 
> ChinDian – Informal term for a child who is a mix of Indian and Chinese
> 
> Dey – a casual way of referring to someone, like ‘bro’. Seems to be derived from an Indian word that refers to a younger person, but I’ve heard the ‘lah, dey’ tag being used for people of various ages. Please correct me if I’ve got this wrong!
> 
> Xiao Di – Literally ‘little brother’, but can also be used to refer to underlings.
> 
> Chillax – chill + relax
> 
> Chee bai – Swear word meaning vagina
> 
> Kaypoh - busybody
> 
> +++
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter! If you liked it, it'll be great if you could share it with other BL fans in SG, and even Malaysia!


	3. Chapter 3

On Saturday morning, Satish arrived earlier than everyone else, holding the key to the storeroom. Ah Hok had handed it to him when he asked for it the previous practice, and the kind manager even said he could keep it till the end of their collaboration next month. It was times like this that made him feel glad to be an adult. Things had been very different when he was a child, and even when he was in secondary school.

 

This duty of setting up, for example, rested almost solely on his shoulders for as long as he was in that wretched school. Now, however, he chose to do it willingly, as a way of thanking everyone and to apologise for causing a scene. He shouldn’t have gotten defensive and tried to prove his worth. The lifting challenge must have been issued out of genuine curiosity of his abilities, not out of doubt and mockery.

 

Under the dark sky and listening to crickets, Satish stood before the storeroom and remembered the last time he was here. He had thought they were getting along well. Wei Loong had not changed much both in his appearance and personality; he was as full of spunk as the boy who didn’t mind his ethnicity and pulled his small hand to partner up. Satish had been so excited to meet him again.

 

Accepting that fifteen years had passed, he unlocked the door and got to work.

 

+++

 

Before Wei Loong could even finish locking up his electric scooter, Auntie Lian pulled his sleeve and spoke in a low voice.

 

“Ey, you know hor, Satish set up the poles and brought out the Lions and drums before everyone reached leh,” she said in Mandarin. “Alone leh. Before 7am leh. Drums and cymbals all heavy, you know?”

 

“Huh, you tell me for what?” Keeping his response cool, Wei Loong stepped aside and walked towards the hall. Auntie Lian hovered close behind.

 

“Tell you so you know he’s a good person loh.”

 

“Ok loh. He good loh. So?”

 

“So, forgive him lah.” She nudged Wei Loong’s shoulder, hard enough for him to stumble. “He likes you a lot leh.”

 

“Huh?!”

 

His exclamation echoed down the hall. Auntie Lian smacked the back of his head and shushed him.

 

“Ey, I not supposed to tell you, so you keep quiet hor. We learnt a lot about Satish that night.”

 

“That night? What night?” asked Wei Loong, still bewildered.

 

“That night you shout at him loh.” She slung one arm over Wei Loong’s shoulders, faced the wall and whispered. “We went out for a drink. Me, my husband, Ah Hok, Botak, and all the students. The girls left early, but the guys all chit chat till very late, play some childish ‘Truth or Dare’. And you know what we found out? Satish is gay!”

 

Wei Loong was unsure which bothered him more. Satish’s sexuality, or the fact that all of them essentially pang seh’ed* him and had a great time while he was pissed. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, unprepared for so much confusion so early in the morning. Just two hours ago, he had struggled to get out of bed, dreading to face the awkwardness of partnering Satish after their one-sided quarrel. With the new piece of information from Auntie Lian, that awkwardness was bound to triple.

 

“…Then what? He said he like me?” he asked, keeping his tone neutral.

 

“No lah. But you think I stupid ah?”

 

While Auntie Lian broke into giggles, and Wei Loong let out a deep sigh. It was not nice of her to jump to conclusions, and it would be terrible for Satish if this rumour got circulated more than it already did. God knew who else the gossip queen had told.

 

“Okay, listen.” Wei Loong called for Auntie Lian’s attention. “Maybe he likes me, maybe he doesn’t, but you better don’t tell anyone else about this. He’ll be in deep shit if you let people like Ah Meng know. You know, the conservative type.”

 

“Wah, you care about him so much already ah? So sweet.”

 

Wei Loong chewed his lip to hold back from shouting.

 

“You know how small the Lion Dance community is in Singapore, we always bump into each other. If it gets out to the community that he’s gay, you think anyone will want to partner him in the future?”

 

Auntie Lian dropped her smile, arching her eyebrows and making Wei Loong feel bad about what he had just said. It was harsh, but it was the truth. No straight male Lion dancer would be comfortable with having a gay man’s face positioned so close to their ass. At least not in this country which still criminalises gay sex.

 

“Then, you leh?”

 

The question pierced him, though it did not come as a surprise. Wei Loong wondered the same, and the notion of backing out from the collaboration was becoming more tempting. Master Ye might be disappointed in him, but it was still not too late. They had three more weeks to the simple performance; it would be a piece of cake to find a replacement. All he had to do was say that he was busy with work and wished to take a break.

 

Yet he stuttered when forming a reply to Auntie Lian. He ended up waving her away impatiently, taking large strides to escape the conversation. Satish was a good Lion dancer, he reminded himself. It was still possible to collaborate on a purely professional level. As long as Satish did not try anything funny, there was no concrete reason for Wei Loong to push him away.

 

Determined to get through the day, he entered the hall and prepared to warm up. The others, however, had other ideas. They were lazing around, chit-chatting and eating, even though Master Ye would be showing up any time. A confused glance around made his eyes meet with Satish’s, and it at once became apparent why everyone was in their foodie mode. What he did not understand, was how Satish could smile at him as if their quarrel never happened.

 

“Hey, you’re here.” Satish brisk walked over, carrying a plastic jar of the culprit that had captured everyone’s focus. “Try some. It’s Nei Urundai. Made of ghee, chickpea and some nuts. It’s sweet.”

 

Wei Loong took one of the small orbs between his fingers and placed it in his mouth. “Oh, not bad. Where you buy one?”

 

“I made them.”

 

Wei Loong paused his chewing and almost choked on his saliva. Around him, eyes watched and ears strained, waiting to witness his reaction. He wanted to send them all flying with a turning kick.

 

“I reserved these for you, so you can have them all.” Satish handed over the jar that held way more than a single person could finish.

 

“Uh, it’s okay lah. I mean,” Wei Loong trailed off, looking everywhere except at Satish. “One…One is enough.”

 

“Enough for you to forgive me?”

 

The sincerity of that question persuaded Wei Loong to look up, straight into eyes that gleamed with both hopefulness and fear of rejection. The sight made him draw his lips tight, and a dozen disconnected thoughts exploded in his mind. The ghee ball tasted great, Satish was bribing him, this trick was probably learnt from Auntie Lian, and damn, so it was true that all good-looking men were gay. Flustered, Wei Loong looked down, and he was horrified when Satish bent down in search of his face.

 

“I promise I won’t do dangerous things anymore.”

 

“Wait –” Wei Loong put up his arms, but Satish peered around them like there were trees in Bollywood movies.

 

“You’re still angry with me?”

 

“No, I, uh.” He swallowed the food in his mouth and squared his shoulders. Be a man, he told himself. It wasn’t fair for Satish to be the only one apologizing. “I was wrong too. I overreacted. Also, uh,” he forced himself to meet Satish’s gaze. “Sorry, but I actually don’t remember much about you when we were young.”

 

There was a short silence, in which Wei Loong dreaded to see disappointment, but Satish only responded with a shrug.

 

“Nah, that’s okay. As long as we can be friends again.”

 

“Wah piang*, you think this is Primary school ah?”

 

The snappy comment was blurted out before he could stop himself, and he worried if Satish would take that as a rejection. The Indian seemed like the prim and proper type, and the way he carried himself screamed sophisticated upbringing; the kind of man that belonged to the upper class and would not appreciate an Ah Beng’s* sense of humour. Then again, Wei Loong remembered the lame ‘ChinDian’ joke Satish had cracked.

 

“If this is Primary school,” Satish cleared his throat and lifted the jar of sweets, “a half-baked apology like this would not be enough to repair a friendship. You know what we need?”

 

“What?” Wei Loong ask, both curious and amused.

 

“Friendship bands.” Satish waggled his brows and pulled out two rubber bands from his trackpants’ pocket, presumably used to secure the jar, and dangled one before Wei Loong. “Come, let’s do this.”

 

Wei Loong laughed nervously, shaking his head and waving his hand. “Mai lah mai lah, wa mai lah!*”

 

Satish set down the jar, and Wei Loong took a slow step backwards. The next second, they burst into action, with Wei Loong scrambling to get away from Satish. He had not planned on running, but his instincts took over when the tall predator charged, and soon they were circling the hall, leaping over poles that lay on the floor. Wei Loong dodged behind the frame that held the gong, but it was a narrow barrier that did nothing to prevent Satish’s long arm from snaking past it. Escaping the grasp by an inch, Wei Loong charged to his next line of defense while yelling curses for the laughing crowd to make way. He crouched behind the set of drums and lifted a cymbal as shield, quite certain that Satish would heed Auntie Lian’s yells – “Ey! Careful don’t hurt my babies!” – and stop pursuing him. However, his expectations were exceeded once again. Satish circled around undeterred, pulled the cymbal away while Wei Loong was still in shock, and held his wrist.

 

“Yay, I caught a Pokémon.”

 

Satish smirked and brought up the rubber band again, and in that split-second Wei Loong became aware of a few things, like how Satish was kneeling between his legs and how close they were being. Then there was the sweet taste that lingered in his mouth, the thundering in his chest from the silly chase, and Auntie Lian’s voice in his mind, telling him that Satish was gay. Warning bells ran off, and he shoved Satish away with more force than he intended.

 

He got to his feet, panting to catch his breath, and tried to cover up his discomfort with a joke. Mimicking the severe countenance of a certain important person, he pointed at Satish and warned. “You don’t chee bai*.”

 

“Ah Loong. Manners.”

 

The familiar deep voice silenced the hall. It was a wonder how Master Ye had such good timing, always showing up when Wei Loong was not in his best behavior. Wei Loong pulled Satish to his feet and turned to say his greetings, but strangely, Master Ye did not pause to nag at him. Instead, he headed straight for the stage, a grim expression in the place of his usual benevolent smile.

 

The manager, Ah Hok, walked up to his old friend and asked in Teochew, “Did something happen, Ah Ye?”

 

“It is hard to predict the matters of the world,” Master Ye replied with a Chinese idiom and sighed, then he looked at everyone and switched to English. “I know, in these two weeks, you all work very hard, practice a lot. I hope you all got learn something, students, and members also. Make friends, talk about Lion Dance, and very important, have fun.”

 

Such an opening speech did not bode well. Wei Loong, like the rest, walked a bit closer to their Master, readying themselves for bad news.

 

“One Point Shopping Centre got some management change, and got new offer by Hong Sua Lion Dance to do big show. They want to make like carnival, got games and competition. So, this year we cannot perform there.”

 

“Huh?!” Botak Yong exclaimed. “How come they can so last minute one?”

 

“Big carnival…” Ah Hok rubbed his chin. “Maybe the new management plan for long time already. Just waiting until they are in charge.”

 

“Wah like that cheating sia! And we already tell Mr Lim cannot perform for his restaurant. Then now, we do what?”

 

At this point, many forgot about the pact to speak English when Satish was around, and offered various suggestions in Mandarin, some of which include performing at a different venue or postponing it to a later date. Master Ye nodded at every comment but remained quiet, and Wei Loong was confused by the indecision. It was not like Master Ye to back down this easily, not the shrewd demon who went around his back and talked his parents into making him go for his first competition. Master Ye was the kind of teacher who would decide on a goal and push his students towards it even if they did not like it, and he would throw obstacles in their direction, say harsh words to test their resolve…

 

That was it, Wei Loong realised. Master Ye was testing their resolve.

 

Raising a hand to get some silence, he smiled and spoke his mind, in English, so his partner might know what was to come. “Shi Fu, I know you have an idea, and if you don’t mind I’m going to guess. We cannot perform there, but we can _compete_ there. Correct?”

 

A small smile emerged from the frown, and Wei Loong knew he scored bingo.

 

“But is not fair for students. They come here want to learn. Go competition is too early.”

 

With the Master’s intent revealed, murmurs arose among the students, and Selene, the older of the twins, spoke on their behalf.

 

“With all due respect, Shi Fu, some of us here have prior experience in Lion Dance, and I am sure we’ll be able to hold our own against another Lion Dance troupe.”

 

“You are sure? The Lions at Hong Sua will be happy to eat us. And if we go, our claws must be sharp.” Master Ye sighed. “Maybe better to perform next time, another place. Like that, can practice only two times a week. Can still joke and chit chat and have fun.”

 

“That may be true, but I think it’ll be a waste if we missed this opportunity.”

 

Heads turned as Satish spoke up, because they have never heard the easy-going guy sound so serious. Wei Loong folded his arms, liking how Satish shared his views. So far, Master Ye had been framing the situation like a crisis, something to avoid, but Satish called it an opportunity and flipped the point of view with that single word. It made others rethink, added fuel to a flame that had been burning too modestly.

 

“I agree.” Keith pushed up his spectacles. “This will be a great learning experience, especially so for us newcomers who would otherwise only attend such competitions as audience.”

 

“Wah, serious boh? Shi Fu will train you to the bones leh, you all better be prepared.” Botak Yong chuckled darkly. “As for the rest of us, I think we all used to it already hor?”

 

“Anyway, this competition not official, so still can relax a bit lah,” said Ah Hok who had resumed sipping his coffee.

 

“Yeah, but now the program must change.” Wei Loong asked his master, “We won’t just be using the small stage, right?”

 

“If really want to take part, the entire first floor of shopping centre is our stage.”

 

“21 poles, then?”

 

Master Ye nodded, and by now his smile had gotten too broad to conceal. “How, Satish? Your senior, William. I remember he is better than you. For Wei Loong’s safety, maybe better change to him?”

 

Though the question was directed to Satish, it was Wei Loong who panicked. He would rather fall and break his bones than partner up with that insufferable conceited bastard again. One glance at Satish only made him feel surer – he did not like how Satish had his head lowered in contemplation. This feeling was new to him; for years Wei Loong had never cared much about who stood behind him, as long as they could synchronise their steps. But after meeting Satish, after seeing how happy he was to be reunited with a childhood friend who did not remember him, Wei Loong had a change of heart. He understood why he felt guilty about his outburst at Satish, even though it was more common for him to swear at people than speak politely. He understood why he could not give up on this collaboration, and why he was so easily bribed by a treat.

 

He wanted to know how it would be like to partner Satish, not just to synchronise steps, but to breathe life in their Lion with one synchronised breath. For that, neither their race nor sexuality mattered.

 

“Shi Fu, he can do this.” He landed his palm on Satish’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “This guy is good. He can do all the lifts really well. We just need to practice more.”

 

Voices of agreement swarmed in support of Satish, and he nodded at them gratefully. In the cheerful chaos, their eyes met for a second, and Wei Loong gave him a thumbs up. Botak Yong began ranting about how awesome it would be to do a full program, and how they had to plan the next few training sessions, until he was interrupted by loud clearing of throat. Wei Loong knew what it meant, just like the rest of the troupe, and they turned to regard Master Ye with caution. The God of Fortune looked more like the God of Misfortune in that moment, with his eyes narrowed and lips spread in a sinister grin.

 

“Very good, very good,” Master Ye clapped slowly, and everyone did a collective gulp. “Now we sharpen our claws. No more turning back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pang seh - abandon  
> wah piang - exclamation of exasperation.  
> ah beng - stereotypical name of a gangster  
> Mai lah mai lah, wa mai lah - Don't want, don't want, I don't want. It's a meme.  
> You don't chee bai - Another meme, one that usually came with a picture of the late Minister Mentor, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew, although he did not say this quote. Just google for more info.
> 
> Comments: I think I will end up including quite a bit of SG memes in this story LOL! Hope you had fun reading this chapter~ On a complete side note, the Nei Urundai doesn’t require baking, but the chickpeas had to be toasted =D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the delay. I fell sick for a few days, and my laptop died on me. Hope you'll enjoy this new chapter!

“Wah, you wear so nice for what?” Wei Loong asked with a raised eyebrow, leaning against the wall with his arms folded. Satish was walking towards him from the MRT gantry, wearing a black tartan shirt, a pair of dark jeans, and a pair of brogues. Not formal enough for interviews, but too smart considering where they were going. “Later your shirt dirty, don’t complain.”

 

“What can I say?” Satish shrugged, but nervousness was evident in his smile. “First impressions are important.”

 

Letting out a laugh, Wei Loong slapped Satish’s arm and led the way. They made an odd pair for sure; two men of contrasting colour and significant height difference, one well-dressed and the other in t-shirt and bermudas, making their way to Singapore’s most famous cat café without the accompaniment of a woman.

 

It was a Saturday morning, one week since the decision to compete against Hong Sua Lion Dance Troupe, and by right they should be with everyone else at the community centre, practicising their moves and undergoing the hellish physical training supervised by the Master himself. One other troupe had caught wind of the impromptu battle and joined in the fray, which meant more people would bear witness in the event they screwed up. There was no time to rest, they were now meeting three times a week, and Wei Loong knew the frequency was bound to increase. Add that to the other performances which would not involve the university students, and Wei Loong could foresee himself spending every evening at the community centre. Chinese New Year was fast approaching, they had only two weeks left, and it did not seem like the best time to visit a cat café.

 

But it was necessary, and so Wei Loong relished the final break before the hustle.

 

They stepped into the quaint café, disinfected their hands and entered the main area where they could sit and have desserts in the company of free roaming cats.

 

“Here, here,” he cooed, holding a hand out and beckoning the grey tabby. He had ditched his cup of tea on the wooden table and chosen to sit on the floor, which was the best way he knew to encourage the cats to approach. Soon enough, the cat jumped onto his lap with front paws resting on his chest, tickling his face with its whiskers and making him chuckle. “Oh, good girl, good girl.”

 

“Wow, you’re so good with cats,” came a comment from the man still sitting at the table, back straight and hands placed on knees. “Wish I have your ability.”

 

“Huh? What ability? You just sit here,” Wei Loong tapped the space beside him, “and they will come to you.”

 

Satish sighed. “I wish it’s that easy.”

 

Right on cue, an orange tabby approached, circling Satish’s legs with curiosity. The frozen man glanced over for directions, but Wei Loong merely gestured some encouragement. After taking in a deep breath, Satish leaned to the side, extending one finger for the cat to sniff.

 

“Hello. Nice to meet you.” Satish greeted in monotone, and it was unclear whether the man was still breathing.

 

Despite his anxiety, he seemed to have made a good first impression. The cat appeared ambivalent, which was much better than being hostile. Satish wisely stayed still for several seconds before closing in, and the cat lowered its head in anticipation of the touch. Two fingers made contact. Satish gasped, eyes widening in excitement. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of trailing just those two fingers down the cat’s spine, too quickly for the feline’s liking.

 

Satish hissed in pain, retracted his hands and tucked both knees close to chest. Three red lines ran half the distance up his forearm. The café’s staff approached quickly to ask if he needed assistance, but he insisted he was fine and hid the scratch marks from them. The orange tabby was brought away to a safe distance.

 

“See? It always happens.” Satish gave a dry laugh while folding down his long sleeves for more protection. “I just have bad luck with cats.”

 

It was a casual comment, but it reminded of Wei Loong of his complex history with the devil called ‘bad luck’. He felt like he had to say something.

 

“No such thing as bad luck, only bad techniques.”

 

“Yeah, I guess. I’m just insensitive.” Satish shook his head. “I wish we didn’t have to come here. Why are we here, by the way? Master Ye never explained.”

 

“To take notes.” Wei Loong said while scratching the back of the grey tabby’s ears. “He always sends us here whenever we’re getting a new lion.”

 

“We’re getting one?”

 

“Yeah. Ah Hok has called the maker. He’s also sewing the costumes.”

 

“Ah Hok can sew?”

 

“Surprising right? All our pants are made by him.”

 

Wei Loong went on to explain the procedures of receiving a new lion, and how they would have to pray at a temple and carry out a ritual to awaken it before its first performance.

 

“Dot the eyes so it can see. Dot the nose so it can smell. Dot the mouth so it can eat…basically paint dots everywhere lah.” Distracted by the cat’s purring, Wei Loong took a few seconds to engage in baby talk before continuing. “By then, we must have the lion’s name ready, and because this time it’s really rushed, we should also have a good idea of its personality.”

 

“I see. That’s new to me. So we’re here to study cats?”

 

“Yeah. Study how they move. Micro-movements are everything for the dancer controlling the head, they make the lion come alive. When to blink, when to open the mouth, how to tilt the head.” Wei Loong paused to consider the enormity of his task and could not help a sigh. Master Ye had instructed him to find a personality he had never used before, to surpass his own limits instead of relying on his usual fierce style. In his opinion, it was not the best time for such a challenge. Better to compete with a tried and tested style than risk making a fool of himself. But he knew better than to argue with his Master. “What do you think? Which one you like most?”

 

“You’re asking me?” Satish raised an eyebrow, but Wei Loong only nodded seriously. “Uh, they’re all cute. But if I must choose, then definitely the orange one.”

 

“What? Even though it scratched you?”

 

“Well, that’s my own fault. It was nice enough to let me pet it.”

 

Humming, Wei Loong stepped away from the grey cat and made his way to the orange. It was the first time he had asked another for an opinion on what kind of lion he should portray. In the past, he had always decided on his own, and his partner would just have to follow. On hindsight, perhaps he should have communicated more. If he had been more considerate, more careful, then perhaps he would not have messed up that competition four years ago.

 

Pushing that thought away, Wei Loong focused on befriending the orange tabby. He was met with the same cautious curiosity, a sense of aloofness that took a long time to subside. Half an hour passed before the orange tabby climbed onto his lap, and that was when, all of a sudden, its personality took a drastic turn. Flipping around, pawing for attention and purring without shame – this was the most manja* cat Wei Loong had ever met.

 

“You must be the cat whisperer,” Satish said, envy oozing from each word.

 

“Huh. Really want to choose this one ah?” Wei Loong was skeptical. He had never attempted portraying a cute lion.

 

“See, it loves you so much. It’s meant to be.”

 

They spent the next half an hour taking notes, with Wei Loong interacting and verbalizing his observations and Satish writing them down from a distance. Through the café staff, they also learnt that the orange tabby was a rescued kitten which suffered abuse at the hands of its breeder; they found him with wounds that hinted it was caned. This detail struck too close to home, and Wei Loong felt an old anger rise within, accompanied by memories he wished he had forgotten. The orange tabby nuzzled against his chest, repeating the action until his anger waned. Wei Loong resumed stroking its fur, watched the light blue eyes close in bliss, and marveled at how the small vulnerable animal continued to trust humans.

 

“Trust, huh?” he mumbled, lifted the cat and let their foreheads touch.

 

+++

 

After the cat café, they went to a coffee shop for lunch, and it was then that Wei Loong learnt something about Satish that was completely unacceptable.

 

“Huh? What the fuck? You don’t watch Lion Dance?”

 

Satish clarified that he watched bits and pieces whenever he chanced upon a performance, but he had never followed the competitions that took place locally and internationally. When asked why, he gave another one of those infuriatingly neutral shrugs. Unable to believe it, Wei Loong pressed further, saying that his CCA teacher should have shown them some videos at least, and he should have hung out with his CCA mates to watch some performances live.

 

Satish only gave a helpless smile. It was a practiced upturn of lips good enough to urge a random acquaintance to drop the matter, but it did not convince Wei Loong. Slamming down his chopsticks on the table, he put a foot up the bench, reached forward and jabbed an index finger against Satish’s forehead.

 

“You wait. I show you.”

 

The aggressiveness in his tone sparked some concerned glances, but Wei Loong had gotten up by then and was walking away, hands in pockets and assuming Satish would follow.

 

That was how, after an hour of public transport, they ended up at Wei Loong’s house. The gates of the bungalow before them, and the doorbell was ringing loud and clear in the silence. The whole stretch of road was devoid of activity, not a person was in sight. Becoming worried, Wei Loong brought out his phone and punched a few numbers. Meanwhile, Satish smiled and waited.

 

“Shit!” Wei Loong exclaimed at last. “I forgot today is Emma’s off day!”

 

“I didn’t know you were rich,” came the unhelpful comment.

 

“Not me lah, my grandpa. But oi, who cares. You know how to pick locks?”

 

“Do I look like a thief?”

 

“Siao liao* lah,” Wei Loong arched his back and groaned into his hands. His parents were overseas, and he had to choose this day to forget his keys. Nothing could be more throw-face then getting stuck outside his own home after inviting someone over with so much swag. It did not help that his house was located away from civilization; they had to either give up or lepak* here under the damn-hot sun while waiting for his domestic helper to come back. Gripping the bars of the gate, Wei Loong gave it a few futile shakes. “Why? Oh my god, why? Is it…Is it because I’m Chinese?”

 

The spontaneity of the meme’s usage brought some levity to the situation. Wei Loong shared a laugh with Satish who had walked closer and rested a palm on his shoulders.

 

“Hey buddy, don’t need to despair. You’ve got me, you know?”

 

“Yeah lah, but you got what use?”

 

“Wah, hurtful, man. We did it together so many times and you forgot?”

 

Satish cast a wink and Wei Loong shuddered, until he got the hint.

 

Checking once again that no one was watching, the Lion Dance duo assumed their position and launched into a jump-lift. Wei Loong grabbed the top of the wall, hoisted himself over and landed with a roll. The anti-theft alarm went off, and its shrill blare hastened his sprint to the main door. He used his thumbprint and punched in some numbers to unlock the door and stop the alarm, and once inside, he pressed a button to unlock the gate for Satish before any neighbor could poke their heads out of the windows to catch the criminal.

 

They probably didn’t have to be so cautious – surely Wei Loong was not the first in Singapore to break into his own home – but it was one of the most daring things he had done, and he was still shaking his head in laughing disbelief when Satish sauntered into the lobby with a smug look on his face. They bumped fists, and Wei Loong showed his friend up the stairs.

 

+++

 

Coke, chips, and air-con made the day great again. Wei Loong leaned back on his swivel chair and played a video on his computer, the first of a huge compilation neatly labelled by date and name of event.

 

“This is the 2015 Hong Kong Lion Dance Championship,” he introduced and skipped to the middle of the video. “This one damn good, you must watch.”

 

Hence began Satish’s education in Lion Dance. Wei Loong gave commentary, focusing not just on what the Lion Dancers were doing, but also the overall team work and the entertainment value of the performance. Satish knew the techniques, understood all the technicalities, but he lacked the most important factor: the Spirit. But of course! This man hardly even watched Lion Dance! The more Wei Loong thought about it, the more it riled him up. He didn’t care even if they watched till midnight; he was going to make Satish fall in love with Lion Dance.

 

An hour later, with standard lukewarm responses from Satish, Wei Loong relented and popped the question.

 

“Hey,” he asked without looking over. “Why you join Lion Dance?”

 

“Hmm? I thought I already told you?”

 

Clicking his tongue, Wei Loong pushed away from the table and swiveled to face Satish who was sitting on his bed. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and reminded himself of Master Ye’s wise words. ‘Be not disturbed at being misunderstood; be disturbed rather at not being understanding.’

 

“If you’d joined because there’s no other choice, then you would be doing some basic drumming at most. If you’d joined out of passion, then you would already have watched all these videos. So, why?”

 

Wei Loong could not imagine practicing an artform without appreciation of its essence. How did Satish even survive four years of doing Lion Dance without growing a passion? He had to find out. He needed to reach an understanding on this matter in order to trust his partner.

 

Satish was silent. His eyes were lowered, darting to the left first, then to the right. Wei Loong noticed there was no attempt to smile it off this time, and that was proof he had knocked a crack in the wall Satish had built. Crossing his fingers, Wei Loong cocked his head to prompt the other, and received an awkward smile.

 

“I don’t know where to start,” Satish admitted.

 

“The beginning loh. When you were a kid.”

 

“Oh, that’s easy. I, uh, was forced, I suppose.” Satish cast pensive glance, as if worried Wei Loong would get upset. “My parents thought it would be good for me to be exposed to other cultures. I was learning angklung before that, so I didn’t think too much about learning Lion Dance. It was just another enrichment programme to me.”

 

“Oh yeah. You said they were the hard-core type, and you’re an only child, hor?”

 

Satish nodded, and his shoulders sank a bit further.

 

“I was taller than most at my age, and I was obedient too, so I did pretty well in Lion Dance. I guess I carried that mentality all the way to secondary school. It was something I could do, so why not. Lame, right?”

 

Wei Loong frowned as Satish fidgeted and chuckled. He would recognize that self-depreciating laughter anywhere, he had heard it a thousand times from his own lips, whenever the specter of ‘bad luck’ caught up on his most hopeful days. But he was not Master Ye; he did not have all the wise proverbs stored up in his memory bank, and he was not sure how to tell Satish it’s okay, that his inner demons, whatever they were, did not define him.

 

A hand on his chair’s armrest drew him from his thoughts. Satish’s dark eyes were upon him, warmer than usual, glazed over as if in a dream. His brows were arched gently, and there was no tension accentuating his jaws. He looked relaxed, truly at ease for the first time in Wei Loong’s presence.

 

“Thanks for asking, and for showing me the videos. They reminded me why I like Lion Dance.”

 

“Huh. Really meh? I thought you were bored.” Wei Loong backed away an inch, eyes darting to the side of the chair that Satish was not leaning against. The sudden switch in tone was disarming, and his flustered mind remembered one detail that was buried under the rigour of their training – Satish was gay.

 

“I’m not entirely without passion, you know?” Satish said, and the way he looked at Wei Loong made him swallow. “When I was five, I met a boy who loved Lion Dance to bits, and that enthusiasm did spread to me. I enjoyed the lessons because he would always partner up with me. I happily followed him because he called me Xiao Di. I was proud of what I could do, because he cheered for me.”

 

He should not have invited Satish. It was a mistake to be alone with him in an empty house, sitting in his room, on his bed, with their knees almost touching. It would be terrible if it gave Satish the wrong idea. These thoughts flitted in his mind, but they took a back seat. Wei Loong bit his bottom lip, preoccupied by the floundering in his stomach, embarrassed by roundabout praise. He could not recall if anyone ever held him in such high regard, or spoke to him with this much fondness laced in every word.

 

“The memories had faded with time, but the feelings had not. The feeling like I was neither weird nor special, like it was enough to just be myself, like I can ignore everyone else and just be happy. I suppose I still carry that feeling to this day, it came back to me after I met you again.” Still spaced out, Wei Loong was late to notice Satish’s reaching out to touch the side of his face. “You really haven’t changed much, Loong Kor Kor.”

 

“I, uh!” Wei Loong exclaimed before the fingers could make contact. He pushed off his chair so hard it skidded backwards and hit the wall, and he staggered away from the bed, mind racing for an excuse. “I need to shit.”

 

“Oh, sure,” Satish replied, straightened his back and assumed a reserved stance. “Take your time.”

 

Wei Loong fled. He slammed the door shut, ran down the stairs, charged into the toilet and unzipped his pants. His suspicions were confirmed, and his internal screams filled the cubicle.

 

“Siao liao siao liao siao liao,” he mumbled, closed his eyes and took deep breaths, willing his body to calm the fuck down. It didn’t make sense, nothing even happened. For all he knew Satish could have been trying to remove eyelash from his face or something. Maybe he imagined the whole thing. Most importantly, he was straight! It must be the heat that caused increased blood flow, a purely physiological event much like the occasional inexplicable morning wood.

 

He turned on the tap and splashed his face, relying on the coolness of water to distract him from further unsettling thoughts.

 

+++

 

Satish left Wei Loong’s house soon after the latter returned from the toilet. He excused himself with an amicable smile and thanked the host politely, refusing the offer to show him the way to the bus station and instead choosing to call a cab. He whipped out his phone, messaged his mom and alighted at the supermarket near his block. He took his time to shop for groceries. He then took his time to prepare dinner for his parents, something he had not done since too long ago.

 

“Amma, Appa, try this,” Satish ladled the red lentil soup into small bowls and passed them to his parents. He had made sure the cat scratches were hidden under long sleeves.

 

“Wow. What’s the occasion?”

 

“Nothing, ma. Just felt like it.”

 

She hummed in the sweet, satisfied way she always did whenever he made her proud. Her round cheeks glowed, and her eyes were crescents. In contrast, his father remained stoic, but even the toughest muscles of his face showed signs of surrender.

 

“Have you thought about it, son?”

 

The monotonous question was asked barely five minutes into the meal. Satish had expected it. His father had been nagging him about it every time they ate together, since a month ago. His mother had taken a subtler approach, telling him about her friend whose daughter-in-law had recently given birth, and sharing stories of when she first met his father. Those stories drove towards the same point, that a fruitful marriage would bring bliss.

 

He never told his parents the truth. How could he?

 

“About that, Appa.” Satish set down his spoon. He had taken long enough to set down his own hopes and desires. The only thing left to do was to keep the smile going. “I’m sorry to have kept both of you waiting. You must be getting tired of my indecision.”

 

“No, darling, not at all.” His mother reached out to place a hand on his arm. “We understand. Your generation is very different from ours, and many of you prefer to marry out of love. But you know, as parents, we worry. You haven’t found anyone you like, right?”

 

“No, I haven’t,” he replied without missing a beat. “I appreciate what you are doing for me.”

 

“Reena is a nice girl,” his father spoke in a businesslike voice. “She is studying in the University of Delhi. She is mild-mannered and she respects her elders.”

 

“She’s like you, easy-going and open-minded. I think you two will get along very well.”

 

Satish dipped his head and chuckled.

 

“It’s too early to tell. Marriage is still too early for me. I need to finish my studies and build up a career before I can afford a house, you know? But for now…” He paused, sensed the eagerness from his parents, and decided it was the best decision for everyone. “I will give her a call, and we’ll see how it goes.”

 

His mother clapped her hands together in glee. “Oh, I’m so excited! When are you going to call her?”

 

His father closed his eyes and leaned back. “The sooner, the better.”

 

“Yes, You’re right, Appa. No point in delaying this,” Satish said, and he suddenly felt the day’s fatigue crushing down on him. After what happened at Wei Loong’s house, what he was tempted to do, he figured he had to nip the problem at its bud. Stop before anything starts. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> manja - to describe coy or 'sticky' behavior in order to gain affection.  
> siao liao - literal meaning: already crazy. Uttered when in deep shit.  
> lepak - to loiter or laze around  
> Is it because I'm Chinese - A meme. From an incident that involved a GoJek driver, his passenger, an auto-locked door, and accusations of kidnapping. Google is your best friend.
> 
> Comments: Phew this chapter is long! Although I planned this story, I must admit it’s going in its own direction now and getting out of control lol. That said though, I’m starting to understand Wei Loong and Satish better now and I can’t wait to reveal their backstories!  
> On a side note, traditional match-making does not work as described in this fic. Usually the parents will do the communications first and the couple will meet later. What I’ve described, however, was what happened to one of my friends. It was more casual, like their parents acted as Tinder.


	5. Chapter 5

Fiddling with the thumb drive in his pocket, Wei Loong walked into the hall after a long day at work, mentally rehearsing what he was going to say. He was bored, he had nothing better to do, this was a spare thumb drive lying around, and Satish really should watch more Lion Dance. He didn’t even put in any effort, only spent some idle hours sifting through the massive folder for the most enjoyable performances and copy-pasted. He was doing this so that Satish would gain a better appreciation of the arts, not just for Satish’s benefit, of course, but to ensure that Satish would become a better partner for him… a better partner…

 

Hands still in pocket, Wei Loong whirled towards the wall on his left and knocked his head against the concrete.

 

“Oi, what the fuck.” Botak Yong passed by and quipped with an amused smirk. “Poor wall. See lah, now got oil stain from your forehead, damn disgusting.”

 

“Aiya you fuck off lah.”

 

The lack of bite in the demand shocked himself. Ah Yong raise an eyebrow, paced around Wei Loong, and had his nose scrunched up in the stupid expression that was supposed to look pensive.

 

“Either Shifu just scolded you, or you never eat dinner, or you got love troubles. Which one?”

 

Triggered by the mention of the L word, Wei Loong gave a shove and tried to walk away like he was unaffected. He was, however, held back by a hand on his elbow and made to confront the annoying grin Ah Yong was wearing.

 

“Wah seh, I hit jackpot ah? Who’s the girl? I know one or not?”

 

“Siao lah, where got girl?!” Wei Loong yanked his arm away. “I never eat dinner lah, happy?”

 

“Bullshit. If you really never eat, you steal my tausar pau already." Ah Yong held up the plastic bag of steamed buns he had been holding in plain sight. “And I know Shifu never scold you because you haven’t whine to me yet.”

 

“That one is called ‘discuss’, not ‘whine’ ok?”

 

Wei Loong’s argument went over the botak head. Ah Yong had turned away, distracted as Ceres, the younger and mellower of the twins, walked into the hall. She was followed closely by her sister Selene, who glared and stopped Ah Yong’s attempt to flirt before it even started. The man settled with waving a meek ‘hi’, and he seemed delighted when Ceres returned the greeting. Wei Loong observed the scene with discretion, waited for Ah Yong to float off in bliss, and tried to slip away from the uncomfortable conversation. Unfortunately, Ah Yong reacted in time.

 

“Oi! You haven’t told me which girl!”

 

“Aiya not your Ceres lah, relax.”

 

He rolled his eyes as Ah Yong took a few seconds to savour the nice ring to the phrase ‘your Ceres’. Anyway, the man will most likely fail to date the cheerful girl with the way her sister was protecting her – Good for Ceres, she deserved better – so where’s the harm in letting him fantasize before his hopes got crushed?

 

“Ah, I just want to look into her eyes forever,” said Ah Yong stupidly.

 

Relieved that the man did not seem to remember what they had been talking about, Wei Loong thought to finally walk away and start warming up. But this time, he stopped himself. What Ah Yong said had struck a chord, and he came up with an idea to test himself once and for all.

 

“Ey Botak,” Wei Loong said after some hesitation. “We bros right?”

 

“Huh?” Ah Yong rubbed his arms like a million goosebumps had just fallen off. “Since when we bros? I thought you always buey song* me?”

 

“Yeah lah, I buey song you, but who cares?” Wei Loong ignored the offended look he was getting. “Okay, I need you to do something. You look me in the eyes.”

 

“For what sia?”

 

“Just do it lah! Fast one!”

 

Botak Yong did as he was told, and their eyes became locked in a game of ‘Who Blinks, Loses’. Wei Loong felt nothing, so he motioned with one finger for Ah Yong to come closer. Inches apart, close enough to share stinky breath, they stared as if sizing each other up for an impending gang fight.

 

Still nothing, no flag raising in his pants, which meant the answer was a ‘no’. Confirm guarantee plus chop*, no.

 

Satisfied, Wei Loong let loose a smile, backed away and nodded to himself.

 

“Oi, what did I do sia?” Ah Yong threw up his hands, looking both confused and wary. “You look at me then you smile and nod. Creepy leh!”

 

“Want some Samosa?”

 

The sudden intrusion of the familiar deep voice blasted away the sprout of calm that had hardly taken root in Wei Loong. Satish’s ninja ability to appear undetected was unnerving; he was right beside them, and it seemed like he had been standing there for a while. The thought that he could have witnessed the staring challenge made Wei Loong nervous. His hand went back into his pocket, feeling for the thumb drive and forming a fist over it.

 

“Oh, hey,” he greeted casually, eyes darting around. “Don’t mind us, we’re just playing around.”

 

“Huh, what playing around? I’m concerned okay?” Ah Yong’s sinister smile was a slap to Wei Loong’s face, mocking him for dropping his guard and assuming his so-called bro would keep secrets for him. He shot a glare, but it was too late to shut the big mouth. “Ah Loong was telling me about the girl he likes.”

 

“Wah lao eh!”

 

At a loss, Wei Loong kicked Ah Yong’s leg, sending the man limping away while howling vulgarities and cursing Wei Loong’s love life. The angry shouts drew stares, but everyone dismissed the incident, knowing full well how much of a drama king Botak Yong could be. Wei Loong, on the other hand, regretted it. Not because he had hurt Ah Yong – he’d be fine – but because his outburst might have given the false impression that Ah Yong was saying the truth.

 

“…Samosa?” Satish asked again with a helpless smile.

 

The plate of triangular puffs came closer. Wei Loong accepted the offer, took a bite and seriously considered telling Satish to go open a restaurant. The food would be popular, and ladies would queue not just for their stomachs, but also to feast their eyes on the tall, dark and handsome chef. Wei Loong could already imagine middle-aged ladies swooning at Mr Bollywood and asking him to marry their daughters. Except, of course, Satish was gay, so he would turn them down. And word about his disinterest in girls would spread, and gay guys would start queuing up, and it would be like a buffet for Satish, and he would be too busy dating to practice Lion Dance, and they would not see each other again, and –

 

Wei Loong threw his head back and growled at his imagination for running wild.

 

“You okay?” Satish asked, concerned. “Too hot for you?”

 

“What, you? No, wait, the samosa!” Wei Loong squeezed out a dry laugh. “Yeah, uh, nah, it’s okay lah!”

 

His palms were sweating. A quick glance confirmed that Satish was confused by his high-strung response, and his eyes had gone a step further to check out the hint of beard stubbles covering the defined jawline. Very manly, was Wei Loong’s first thought as a relatively-hairless Chinese who had always envied those with facial hair. Very sexy, was his second thought, and he felt like killing himself on the spot.

 

“So, who’s the girl?”

 

Wei Loong sputtered at the question, his mind heating up and going into overdrive trying to come up with a reply. There was no girl, he had never been that interested in dating, in fact after hearing so much about his friends’ quarrels with their girlfriends, he would rather date his favourite lion, Sesame. But he could not tell Satish this, could he? It would be misleading.

 

“Aiya,” Wei Loong trailed on, forcing himself to look up at Satish. “Just some girl at work lah.”

 

One would think he had learnt something from lying to Satish in the past about remembering their childhood, but apparently not. The unplanned lie stabbed Wei Loong the same way his previous lie did, because Satish was looking at him with an empty smile, eyes devoid of the passionate glow that drove him into the self-doubting frenzy, a glow that he had almost wished was meant only for him.

 

“She’s lucky. Are you going to ask her out?”

 

Wei Loong did not know how to answer. He only stared at Satish in disbelief, at how the man could speak without missing a beat.

 

That was when Master Ye strode into the hall, ten minutes earlier than usual, and clapped twice sharply, which meant they only had ten seconds. Everyone dropped what they were holding to form a circle; even the tray of samosa was left on the floor. There was no time to think, and before Wei Loong knew it, he was leading the warmup. The muscle memory of the routine took over, and he found his mind wandering, remembering the thumb drive in his pocket, how he had agonized over it the night before, and the sequence of events that led to his predicament.

 

That afternoon, in his room, he had thought Satish was going to kiss him. For two days he had been in denial, trying to convince himself that it was all his imagination, but now he was sure it wasn’t. Satish had made a move, and he had rejected that advance out of shock. Now he had lied and slapped a final rejection in Satish’s face, just as he was starting to think that maybe, maybe he was not as straight as he had thought.

 

There might have been some interest, but he had slammed the door shut, and there was no more point in wondering if he was gay.

 

+++

 

“Can put in some energy or not?!” Auntie Lian yelled at the three first-years in a rare show of frustration. “Lao niang* get flu also can beat better. And it’s not about loud or soft, okay? I need to hear the excitement! The determination! The spirit! You three are young leh, and we only got two weeks left. If you all want to nua then might as well go home and sleep!”

 

On the other side of the hall, Botak Yong was arguing with Selene.

 

“Look, I know you don’t like me partnering your sister, but some things I must show you how to do, right?! Is not that I look down on you, Xiao Jie*, is for safety, okay? You lift like just now, one day your wrists injured, how? Then your sister fall down, how?”

 

Near the stage, Ah Hok was speaking on the phone in an exasperated tone.

 

“We really need the Lion by this week lah, cham siong*. You last week say can, now suddenly say cannot, I where got time find someone else to make?”

 

Wei Loong stood in the middle of the hall, aware of everything that was going on, but unable to respond to anything more than Master Ye’s demands.

 

“Tuck in your knees fully when you jump and kick your legs out with more strength during the forward run. We are skipping three poles, not two.” Master Ye advised in Mandarin, then turned to Satish and scolded in English. “Tell you before, your knees still so stiff. When he jump you must bend more first then lift. You waste his jump power, he cannot go far, then confirm will fall. You want be Ah Loong’s partner, you better buck up, or I call your senior take over.”

 

Satish looked down and kept quiet. Wei Loong answered on his behalf.

 

“Shifu, he can do it one. Give him another chance.”

 

They did five more runs on flat ground, until Master Ye was satisfied. He blew a whistle to signal a ten-minutes break, after which they would put the separate parts together and rehearse the complete choreography for the first time, focusing on the technical aspects and leaving the artistic decisions to the next practice. Wei Loong had some ideas how he could portray the personality of the new lion, and he needed to talk to the percussions team to include small segments of acting, but exhaustion kept his mouth shut.

 

Silence reigned as everyone poured all their focus into resting. As counterintuitive as that might seem, deliberate relaxation was necessary, so that they could conserve their energy for the second half of the practice. At first Wei Loong was worried that the tension would get to the first-years, but he remembered that they were the ones who wanted to join the competition. This trial was inevitable; true camaraderie could only be forged in the hell fires of this stressful period, and they would need impeccable team work to pull off the challenging performance.

 

Wei Loong knew he had to focus. He tried closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He drank water. He had not done a full routine in four years, and he was eager to get back into action, prove to Master Ye that he was ready to enter the next international competition. He had improved, he would not make the same mistake again, and he would not let fear weaken his legs. He could not afford to think about other things, so he kept a distance from Satish.

 

Two claps, and everyone was on their feet again. Master Ye ran through the opening act first, a comedy where the twins’ Lion fought over an urn of wine with a Big-Head Doll played by a senior member of the troupe. They were supported by some of the newer members of the percussion team; it was their strategy to split the workload so everyone could learn their parts in time. The toughest part of their act was the three consecutive jump-lifts as the Big-Head Doll rolled under while hugging the urn. Botak Yong, despite all of his nonsense, was good at coming up with fun choreographies like this, and his long experience in Lion Dance also meant he knew how to guide the rehearsal. Master Ye left this segment to him, only summarizing the areas that needed improvement at the end.

 

Then it was time for small break before the main show. The percussion team consisted of principal drummer Auntie Lian, two other senior drummers, and the three university students. Unlike the twins who rehearsed with the red Lion, Fire Crackers, Master Ye explicitly told Wei Loong and Satish to rehearse without the lion, so that he could observe every detail of their movements.

 

The poles stood at the ready, with mattresses laid out at the sides as a safety measure. Wei Loong inspected the area before pushing up his sleeves and doing a final stretch. Beside him, Satish followed his cue and stretched as well.

 

“So, you ready?” Satish asked.

 

“Yeah, you?”

 

“I’m okay.”

 

There was silence, and Wei Loong wished their exchange ended there, because he needed to clear his mind of other matters and fill it with the choreography and the beats of the drums. But Satish was of a different mind. Wei Loong braced himself as his partner stopped stretching and regarded him.

 

“Hey, um, I hope you are not upset about Saturday.”

 

At once, he felt his gut churn, like someone was flipping roti-prata inside. Couldn’t Satish have picked a better time to talk about this? Or even better, not talk about this at all?

 

“Huh?” Wei Loong faked a smile. “Where got upset?”

 

“I wanted to apologise just now when offering the Samosa, but -”

 

“Apologise for what sia?” Satish should drop this. Master Ye was waiting for them, and they should get going. “Like I said, not upset lah.”

 

Wei Loong stepped away to get into position, expecting Satish to follow. Instead, a hand landed on his shoulder and gently, but firmly, turned him around. Taken aback by the assertiveness, Wei Loong glared at Satish, forgetting to keep his anger in check.

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Please let me finish. I just wanted to say it was because there was something else on my mind and I – ”

 

“Huh?!” Wei Loong recoiled from the touch. “You were flirting with me while thinking about someone else?”

 

As those words spilled from his lips, reality became a blur, and he could hardly register the look of shock and confusion that Satish wore. It dawned on Wei Loong gradually that he might have misunderstood, and on top of that, said something that should not have been spoken.

 

“…I mean, I’m sorry for leaving your house early. I was planning to cook for my parents, that’s why.” Satish said cautiously. “I thought you might be angry since I didn’t watch all the videos you wanted to show me.”

 

Wei Loong was at a loss of words. On one hand, he felt indignant, because Satish was still pretending nothing had happened between them. Mostly though, he felt like a fool, for making a stupid assumption and being the only one agonizing over it.

 

They got into position, the drums started playing, and Wei Loong could only rely on his muscle memory. Never mind focus, his entire heart was not in the rehearsal, and his mind was plagued with nagging worries. How was he supposed to face Satish after this? Could they still work together until the day of the performance? What would happen after that?

 

A short drum sequence came to a close, and Wei Loong missed a step. He had thought only a novice would make such a mistake. From behind, Satish tugged at his belt to launch into the next sequence, and his delayed reaction spawned murmurs that could somehow be heard despite the drums. Eyes were all around, and there was no Lion head over his own. He was exposed.

 

The first leap up the poles was successful only because Satish hoisted him, and at that point Master Ye yelled at him. The words blended with the beats, and Wei Loong was not sure what reply he gave. They continued higher up the poles, each step less steady than the previous, and a strange sensation overcame Wei Loong as he looked down to see how far he was from the ground. It felt as if he was not there. Not in this hall, not in this year, but back on the large open stage in Malaysia, looking down and knowing his grandpa was somewhere there, watching, judging with cold eyes that condemned him.

 

_‘You are nothing but a jinx!’_

 

“Now!” Satish was shouting.

 

It was time for the running jump-lift they had been practicing. Wei Loong snapped back to reality and leapt, but the lack of preparation meant there was not enough momentum, and though Satish did his best as support, Wei Loong knew they would not make the jump and it was best to give up and fall sideways to the mattress. He knew, but he failed to regain control. His legs kicked out on their own, they went past the second pole but would not reach the third, and he found himself falling. Falling, like what happened four years ago, falling and dragging his partner along.

 

“Wei Loong!”

 

The cry sounded much closer to his ear than expected, and he realised a pair of arms were around him, pulling to change the direction of the fall. His back collided against Satish’s chest, there was a loud knock, a ringing of metal, and Wei Loong landed on the mattress.

 

Wei Loong was on his fours immediately, fighting his spinning vision to check on his partner. Satish had saved him, kept him from falling forward and smashing into a pole, and now Wei Loong needed to know he was not the only one to get through the fall unscathed.

 

His voice became part of the chorus as the others rushed to aid. They were calling out to Satish too, with greater urgency.

 

Auntie Lian dialed for an ambulance. Ah Hok explained that Satish had hit the back of his head against a pole. Ceres came forward and told everyone she was studying Nursing. She checked Satish’s breathing and pulse, told Auntie Lian what to say on the phone, and directed some others to get a clean towel and some ice. The scene felt surreal to Wei Loong, who could only sit and watch in disbelief that he had allowed this to happen, _again_. He knew better than most the price to be paid for lacking focus, he thought he had improved in these four years, and yet here Satish lay, unconscious.

 

“Satish.” He reached out and tapped the cold and clammy cheek. “Satish, come on, wake up leh. Satish!”

 

With each futile call, the nightmare strengthened its hold. The memory of the scream played in his ears, and the blood from four years ago stained his hands. Wei Loong heard the blaming again, spiteful accusations spilling from whom he thought was a friend. He heard more blaming, more harsh words that he had been fighting his entire life, blocking them out so they didn’t define him.

 

But there was only so much he could take. Sprawled on the floor of the unfamiliar room, facing the towering figure blocking off the light from the window, Wei Loong raised his thin arms in defense, muttering anything that would appease his grandpa so that the cane would stop whipping down at him.

 

‘It’s my fault’. ‘I only bring bad luck’. ‘I shouldn’t have been born.’

 

In that moment of despair, it was Master Ye who saved him.

Two warm palms closed over his face and pulled him from the shadows. Wei Loong blinked, gazing through the thin veil of tears at his Shifu, his teacher and father*.

 

“Control your thoughts. Do not let them control you.” The advice rang clear and unwavering, like a single strike to the bell gong. “It was an accident, and Satish will be fine.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Loong sniffed. “Please forgive me, Shifu. I swear it won’t happen again. I swear- ”

 

“I forgive you, and so will Satish. But Ah Loong, you must also forgive yourself.”

 

A compassionate hand rested at the top of his head, and though it could not erase the trauma, it worked as a suppression. Wei Loong let it stay there till he heard the sirens of the ambulance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buey song - not happy with  
> confirm guarantee plus chop - you know, when 'confirmed' is not enough to express the absolute certainty. Where did this phrase come from anyway??  
> Lao niang - Literally 'old mother'. Effective when a woman wants to refer to herself with authority.  
> Xiao Jie - miss, lady, mademoiselle  
> cham siong - asking for compromise  
> Shifu, his teacher and father - Well, Master Ye is not his real father, but Wei Loong sees him like one. Also, the literal meaning of 'shi' is teacher and 'fu' is father.


	6. Chapter 6

Wei Loong could not sleep that night. Master Ye had insisted on being the only person to accompany Satish to the hospital, and to stay there at least until he met and apologized to the parents. Everyone else was dismissed with the promise that he would update in the Whatsapp group chat when Satish regained consciousness. That happened at around 3am, and after some scans the doctors determined that the concussion was mild. Since Satish did not experience dizziness or nausea, he was discharged in the morning at 8am.

 

At 1pm, Satish was having lunch in school with his CCA mates, so Wei Loong supposed he had lost sleep for nothing.

 

“Hey,” came the greeting from the well-dressed and cleanly-shaven man. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

If the others were not present, Wei Loong would have lost his temper right then. But because he was in a university, at a chic cafe, surrounded by smarter people, and being stared at by the first-years who seldom talked to him during practices, Wei Loong felt the pressure to be polite.

 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” It was the nicest way he could put it in that moment. “You’re supposed to be resting at home.”

 

“Thanks, but I’m fine, and I had a presentation,” said Satish who was taking this whole accident too lightly.

 

“You got MC, you know?”

 

“Yeah, but I’m well enough to get it over and done with.”

 

“Freaking 10 percent weightage,” the chubby guy clarified for Wei Loong. “His prof is a nutcase.”

 

“It’s a good thing Satish prepared his presentation way ahead,” the skinny one said, and the specs guy chimed in.

 

“A doubly good thing he didn’t get his brains knocked from his head.”

 

Selene pulled out a chair and offered it to Wei Loong. She looked different with her long hair down, and it was the first time he had seen her smile. He took the seat with an awkward ‘thanks’ and said an equally awkward ‘hi’ to Ceres who sat on his right. He had never been good with girls; sitting between the twins might be Ah Yong’s fantasy, but for Wei Loong it was just stressful. He made sure to keep his knees close together.

 

“All right ‘fess up,” Satish crossed his arms and addressed his peers. “Who told him?”

 

“Me,” said Selene, leaning back and lifting an eyebrow. “Problem?”

 

They exchanged a mock glare, and three seconds later Satish raised his hands in surrender. “No, mam.”

 

“Good. Because your partner here has been frantically messaging everyone since 10am, because he was at your place and your ass wasn’t.”

 

“Ey, what frantic –” Wei Loong whispered harshly, but the smug smile Selene was wearing told him it was pointless to debate with her. Without thinking, he looked at Satish to deny it, but he lost his train of thoughts the moment their eyes met. “I…I was…” He stuttered, distracted by the memory of their conversation before that rehearsal. Fighting the awkwardness, he opened his backpack and took out a plastic bag of fruits, tonics and cards.

 

“We were all worried.” He cleared his throat. “This one is from Ah Hok, and this one is from Auntie Lian…aiya you see for yourself lah.”

 

“Wow, thanks.”

 

While Satish went through the contents of the bag, Wei Loong shifted in his chair. With the reason for his visit safely delivered, there was technically no more reason for him to remain here. Yet he didn’t know how to refuse when kind Ceres asked for a glass of cold water for him. It would be rude to finish it in one gulp, so he ended up sitting there, sipping his water, listening to their banter and wondering why he was still here.

 

“Um, are you okay?” Ceres whispered to him as the other guys laughed about something. “So sorry, I hope you’re not feeling left out or something.”

 

“Huh? No lah.” Wei Loong shook his head and hoped that his smile looked convincing. “It’s nice to hang out with you all once in a while.”

 

He wasn’t exactly lying, just saying something polite, but he still felt a little guilty when Ceres brightened up.

 

“I was just talking to Auntie Lian last night, that we should find time for a potluck before our big day,” she said, eyes brimming with excitement. “You know how we seldom get to chat during practices. We students will be talking amongst ourselves and it’s quite hard to talk to the members of the troupe because we hardly know one another. I mean, I know training is important, but I thought building some rapport would help with our coordination. Sadly, Auntie Lian didn’t seem too keen. She said everyone is busy, with work, with family, and training is already taking up most of their free time. So maybe, do you think you can talk to her about it? I mean, only if you think potluck is a good idea, otherwise just forget about what I said, hehe.”

 

Wei Loong felt like he just walked into a wall of text. His sleep-deprived mind struggled to process the information, and because he had the impression that Ceres was a quiet girl, he was also struggling to update his perception.

 

“Uh,” he dragged the syllable to buy time to think. “You have a point lah. But it’s also true we are all busy. Okay I tell you what. I talk to Auntie Lian and Ah Hok, see if can find time.”

 

“Thanks, Wei Loong! I owe you one!”

 

Ceres clasped her hands together and beamed, and the sight was nothing short of blinding. This sweet, bubbly nurse might as well be an angel’s incarnate, and now Wei Loong understood why Ah Yong was so smitten. Chuckling, he dipped his head and touched the back of his neck.

 

“Uh, no lah, what ‘owe’ sia? I do this for all of us mah.”

 

“Okay guys,” Satish spoke up amidst the chatter. “Thanks for the treat. I’ve to go hand in an essay.”

 

The self-dismissal was quite abrupt; granted, the food was finished before Wei Loong stepped in, but judging by the strange pause at the table, he knew he was not the only one wondering if he had done something wrong to offend the laid-back guy.

 

He was not the only one wondering, but the problem was, Wei Loong knew he was the reason for the ire. Not answering his calls, not replying his texts, being upset that he showed up here – they all pointed to the unescapable fact that he had pissed Satish off. But of course, he did. He caused the fall by being unfocused and by extension, irresponsible.

 

“Wait, I’ll go with you.” Wei Loong pressed his hands on the table and stood up. “Got something to say.”

 

They exchanged a glance, conviction on one end and exasperation on the other.

 

“Sure,” was Satish’s reply and Wei Loong knew the smile did not mean he was forgiven.

 

Rushing to zip his backpack so he could go after Satish, he almost failed to notice Ceres gesturing for his attention. He might lose track of the man if he waited, but Ceres had this power that made it difficult to ignore her.

 

“Just wanted to say,” she whispered, one hand cupping her mouth. “I don’t think the accident’s your fault, so don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?”

 

Wei Loong wanted to reply with a quick thanks, but the way she looked at him gave him pause. It was a look that her twin wore more often, one that meant business, and it suggested that what she said was not merely an attempt to make him feel better, but rather, a careful conclusion.

 

He gave a hesitant nod before leaving the café.

 

+++

 

Neither of them spoke on the way to the professor’s office, and it was the second longest walk in Wei Loong’s life. Almost as long as the one he had in the hospital four years back, on the way to see his old partner, the only guy he had seriously considered his best friend. He could not afford to lose Satish like how he had lost his ex-buddy, Jansen. He would not be able to live with it, nor trust himself not to screw up his next partner, and that meant his time in Lion Dance would be over.

 

No way in hell he would let that happen.

 

Wei Loong took off his backpack and waited outside the building for Satish, at the top of the long staircase they had just climbed. It turned out no one else wanted to climb the stairs, with the professors preferring to drive uphill via the main road on the other side of the building, and thus this area was empty despite the nice view of the campus it offered. Standing under a tree and listening to the breeze, Wei Loong sought peace from the serenity.

 

“Sorry to make you come all this way,” said Satish as he exited the building. “The essay is due tomorrow, but I thought, since I’m here, might as well.”

 

“Then you can take tomorrow off to rest.” Wei Loong finished the train of thought, and Satish nodded. There was a pocket of silence, with both of them waiting for the right time to speak, but Wei Loong had been preparing his speech since midnight and could wait no longer. “Okay, listen. I…I’m sorry.”

 

As expected, Satish held up a hand to signal that no apology was needed, but Wei Loong pressed on regardless.

 

“It was my fault. I was unfocused. I put both of us in danger by being half-hearted, and I know it was irresponsible.” The hurtful words Jansen yelled at him in the hospital still thrummed in his mind. Wei Loong interlocked his fingers, hoping he sounded sincere and humble enough. “I know I sometimes act like Yaya Papaya*, and I can be quite stubborn, and expect you to follow my pace, but I’ve never looked down on you or anything like that…”

 

“What does this got to do with the fall?” Satish stepped closer and removed his sling bag. “You’ve never looked down on me, I know that. And of course I should be the one following your pace. You stand in front what, how are you supposed to see my legs? As for your pride, well, I’d say you have the right to be prideful. You’re good.”

 

“But I fell and dragged you along.” Wei Loong sighed and shut his eyes. “I always talk so much, but in the end, is I screw up.”

 

“So that’s what he said to you.” 

 

The icy statement made Wei Loong snap his head up, and he was startled by the menacing look that Satish wore: jaws clenched, brows furrowed and eyes narrowed in simmering rage. If this were an audition for the role of protagonist sworn to avenge his dead parents in an action Bollywood movie, Satish would have gotten the role, but Wei Loong digressed. He yanked his focus back to the main question at hand.

 

“Uh, you’re talking about…?”

 

“Jansen.” Satish confirmed, his voice a pitch lower than usual. “Did I get that bastard’s name right?”

 

Wei Loong nodded, then shook his head in confusion.

 

“But how did you know about him? I never told…wait.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shifu told you.”

 

“Yes. He did. We spoke about other things too, like the cause of the fall.”

 

A loud gust of wind blew, shaking dried leaves from trees and stirring up those fallen on the floor. Satish looked down, anger visibly faded, but in its place was melancholy weighing at the corner of his lips. His shoulders were slumped and his arms dangled by his sides with no fight left in them. When he next opened his mouth, Wei Loong dreaded to listen.

 

“Shifu said it was my fault that we fell. Your jump might not have been your best, but it was good enough. The problem was, I doubted you, feared for your safety and held you back. I hesitated in that split second and did not give you enough boost during the lift.”

 

It did not make sense. Wei Loong frowned, unable to accept the explanation. How could it not have been his fault? Even a random bystander would have agreed that his absent-mindedness had caused the accident. That was what he thought, until he remembered Ceres’ words, that it was not his fault. He began to doubt himself; after all he was not in the right state of mind to be fully aware of what happened when the accident took place. But that did not make it any easier to accept this turn of events.

 

“That’s…that’s nonsense,” he insisted. “How could Shifu blame you? He knew I was distracted. He knew what happened four years ago…”

 

“Yes, he knew. He told me how you developed PTSD after that accident, and how it took you four years to learn to trust again. He said he was glad that I could earn your trust. But he also knew that you still lacked confidence, and that’s why he was disappointed that I failed to provide the support you needed…” Satish looked away and mumbled. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls just now. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

 

“What? Tell me what?”

 

“…He’ll be replacing me with my senior, William.”

 

“Huh?!” It was all Wei Loong could manage for a while. He thought that threat was meant to be empty, and he could not fathom that the Master he had always admired would dismiss someone this cold-heartedly. “He cannot do this! We only got thirteen days left, you know? Where got time to adjust?”

 

Satish laughed, and there was no mirth in those pathetic short bursts of air.

 

“Hey, I’m honoured that you’re angry, but you know, it’s better this way.” Satish shrugged. “You’ve partnered with William before, so you’d know he’s really much better than me in terms of skills. Yeah, he’s got an attitude, but he’s good at watching out for people. I’m sure he’ll watch out for you.”

 

It took a few seconds to sink in, that Satish had accepted with arrangement without a fight. It felt ridiculous; just yesterday they were doing everything they could to match each other’s steps, yet now Satish wanted to give up on this synergy they had established like it didn’t matter to him. Wei Loong strode forward and grasped Satish by his upper arms, allowing his momentum to push the taller man backwards.

 

“I don’t need anyone to watch out for me,” he growled. “I don’t need any pity, not even from Shifu.”

 

Satish stared down his nose. “He’s only doing what’s best for you.”

 

“Bullshit. And you leh? You worked so hard, practiced so much. You okay with this decision meh?!”

 

He gave a shove, but he might as well be trying to move a tree. Satish remained expressionless.

 

“My parents think it’s a good idea too. They were damn scared when they came to the hospital, and I think it’s best not to make them worry.”

 

Wei Loong’s hands fell away, and he took a step back in incredulity. “So that’s the excuse you’re using. You don’t want your parents to worry. Wow. So filial huh? Such a good boy.”

 

His taunt worked. Satish glared at him. “If you have something to say, just say it.”

 

“Oh yeah? Okay then, here goes.” He inhaled sharply and clenched his fists. “I’m sick of you being a pussy whenever something bad happens. Go ahead, just pretend everything is okay, act like nothing happened. You are the mighty man of steel. So cool, nothing can affect you. Forced to learn Lion Dance? Never mind. Childhood friend cannot remember you? Never mind. Fall and hit your head? Never mind, still can come to school.” Wei Loong could not seem to stop himself, gripped by a frustration he could not pinpoint. “Then now, Shifu cut you out, you just accept and give excuses to yourself. Come on lah! You know your parents got nothing to do with this, all parents worry about their kids doing Lion Dance, but we do it anyway, out of love. Love!” He jabbed a finger at Satish’s chest. “Is it inside here or not? Or is it, if someone you like says you’re shit, you also never mind?!”

 

“Why don’t you tell me?”

 

Thrown off-guard by the unexpected retort, Wei Loong was slow to react when a hand reached out and cupped his face. The heat from the palm tingled his skin, jolting his senses awake and forcing him to become aware of their proximity and the subtle hint of cologne. The scent was warm and woody, and it reminded Wei Loong of the treehouse where he used to hide whenever his grandpa was home. Yet it was that illusion of security that made him recoil, because they were in an argument, and Wei Loong refused to seem weak. He slapped the hand away, stumbled back and raised an arm over his face.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“What do you think?” Satish asked, eerily calm. “Did that count as flirting?”

 

The reference to their exchange before the rehearsal brought back the embarrassment he had been burying. “I told you already. I misunderstood.”

 

“I think I’m starting to be able to tell when you’re lying.” Satish took a step forward, and Wei Loong subconsciously retreated. “You know that I’m gay, don’t you? Who told you? Auntie Lian?”

 

Struck dumb by the point-blank questions, Wei Loong forgot to deny.

 

“I knew it. Did the two of you have fun mocking this black faggot?”

 

“What?!” Wei Loong exclaimed, offended that Satish would think so lowly of them. “We got nothing against gays! Auntie Lian always say good things about you okay? She confirm will never make fun of you!

 

“Then why did she tell you?”

 

“B-Because she got big mouth lah!” Wei Loong became anxious to leave. He could never tell Satish the real reason, that Auntie Lian thought Satish liked him. In the first place, how did their argument even end up here? “…I’m going off to talk to Shifu. Make him keep you.”

 

“Not so fast.”

 

The next second passed like a whirlwind. Satish held him back, he struggled, and the next thing he knew, he was backed against a tree with the man still holding on to his wrists like a set of handcuffs.

 

“I’m only going to ask once,” Satish leaned in close, trapping his eyes in the piercing gaze and denying him the chance to think. “Are you gay?”

 

Wei Loong parted his mouth in complete shock, overwhelmed by the horrifying question asked by the last person he wanted to answer. It had only been three days since he began asking himself the same question, three days, and he was neither ready to say ‘yes’ nor ‘no’.

 

“What does it got to do with anything?” he mumbled, fighting to keep his breathing even, so his hands wouldn’t tremble and give it all away. “Let me go now.”

 

“Who do you like, Wei Loong? The mystery girl at your office? Ceres?”

 

The mention of Ceres gave fresh fuel to his anger, because the thought had never even crossed his mind. Ah Yong was the one interested in Ceres, not him, and he had no idea how Satish got the idea. But his frustration only hit the roof when Satish made the next, ridiculous suggestion.

 

“Jansen?”

 

“You siao ah?!” He tried to push Satish away, but the man did not budge. “Enough hor! He’s just a friend and he’s not gay!”

 

“Your best friend since sec one, I heard from Shifu.” With one tug, Satish pulled Wei Loong’s hands over his head. “Look at you. You said you have nothing against gays, but you got so offended when I called your best friend one.”

 

His hands were released, but it was clear the storm was far from over. Wei Loong looked up and did not recognize Satish. This man before him was a collection of negative energy, of past grudges and self-righteous paranoia. He was nothing like the easy-going Indian chef who liked to joke around, and this discrepancy hurt him in a way he had never experienced.

 

“That’s not it,” he said quietly. “I’m just saying Jansen and I weren’t like that. I have nothing against you being gay, Satish. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing. It’s a nothing. I don’t care because when it comes to Lion Dance, you’re committed, and you got good skills –”

 

“Yeah, you don’t care as long as I’m good enough to be Jansen’s replacement!”

 

The last straw was cast into the flames, and all fucks were gone with the wind.

 

“If I really only care about skills then I would have chosen William right from the start! But no, I asked for you. I hung out with you, I took you to my house, I – I –!” He felt his neck throbbing from the overwhelming rage, and his eyes began to sting. “I don’t give a shit about Jansen anymore, okay?! The fall was not all my fault. He was careless too, we didn’t manage to synchro, but you know what that fucker did? Blamed it all on me! Said I ruined his life, because he cut a nerve in that open fracture and he cannot do Lion Dance anymore. Didn’t even want to listen to my apology, didn’t care that I also twisted my arm from the fall. He didn’t care that I never wanted the accident to happen! He didn’t…He didn’t care that we were friends.”

 

For years he had struggled to see this truth, because he felt so responsible as the one who got off easy, and thus tricked himself into thinking he was the only one at fault. But now he didn’t care anymore. He needed Satish to stay as his partner. “Fuck Jansen. You’re not his replacement, I’ve never seen you that way. You’re the new partner I needed, someone who has pride but can still be humble, someone who does Lion Dance just for the heck of it and not to become the best or famous.” He stomped forward and grabbed Satish’s wrists, mimicking what was done to him earlier. “So you don’t come and tell me William will watch out for me. You do your bloody job, and I’ll fight to have you, even if it means going against Shifu!”

 

Wei Loong fell silent at last, taking rapid deep breaths to calm down, and he dropped Satish’s wrists like they were hot potatoes when a few people walked out of the building and headed for the stairs. He angled himself to avoid their curious glances, and as he stared at the greenery, he became increasingly ashamed by his own passionate speech. If he had to summarise the entire fight, it would be as such: Satish was jealous about Jansen, so Wei Loong argued to reassure him. It almost sounded like a lovers’ tiff, and Wei Loong wanted to throw himself down the hill for embarking on this line of thinking.

 

“Hey,” Satish called out, and he sounded gentle again. “I, um, I kicked up a big fuss over nothing. I’m sorry.”

 

A quick peek told Wei Loong that Satish was feeling the same way. The man was covering half his face while pacing around.

 

“No lah,” Wei Loong said. “I also same lah.”

 

“You must think I’m damn petty now.”

 

“Uh, to be honest, a bit ah.”

 

He held back a chuckle as Satish whirled around to shoot him a wounded look.

 

“I have a good reason, okay? When I was in secondary school I was bullied like mad, I think more for being gay than Indian. That’s why I can get quite defensive. But hey, I’m not always like that, okay? I was just tired, I guess.”

 

With that, Satish stopped pacing and sat down on the steps. Wei Loong followed and took the adjacent spot. He wanted to know about what happened in Satish’s secondary school days, but he was getting quite tired too.

 

“Wah lao, you fainted for six hours still dare say tired? I never even sleep for one minute, you know?”

 

“Yeah, can tell. Your eyebags very heavy.” Satish traced a finger over Wei Loong’s cheekbone. “Sorry to make you worry.”

 

The gesture was so smooth it was over before Wei Loong registered it, and the delayed embarrassment made him bury his face in his knees. Then in a burst of defiance, he got to his feet again and circled behind Satish.

 

“Where’s the bump? You point.”

 

“Hmm? Cannot see lah, too dark up there. My hair black, my scalp also black.”

 

Ignoring Satish, Wei Loong searched with his fingers, brushing apart the wavy strands till he found his target. He pressed on it. Satish cried out and dodged to the side, and Wei Loong indulged in some laughter.

 

“Serves you right. Who ask you don’t trust me? Ey, I’m super human okay? Distracted also can jump high enough.”

 

“Okay, fine. My fault for caring about you.”

 

“Aiyo, so salty.” Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Wei Loong rested a hand on Satish’s shoulder and sweetened his tone. “Han nah*, thank you for saving me lah.”

 

That one second when he lowered his guard proved too long. Satish pulled on the vulnerable hand, so hard Wei Loong lost his balance and tipped over the edge of the step. He cried out in terror, thinking he was going to die from falling down the stairs, but the trajectory of his fall swerved abruptly to the left. He landed on Satish’s lap, lying horizontal and staring up at the man for whom he haboured ambiguous feelings.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m your prince charming, and it’s my job to catch you when you fall.” He gave a cheesy wink.

 

“Wha-Wha-What the shit?!”

 

It was not unusual for Satish to pull this sort of self-stir crap, but this was too much for Wei Loong. Desperate to get away, he kicked in sheer panic, losing his slippers in the process, and his hands were flailing in a confused attempt to push himself away while hanging on so he wouldn’t roll down the stairs. But Satish did not relent.

 

“Go on, say ‘thank you, your highness.’”

 

“Siao lah! You go and die lah!”

 

“Or wait, I know! You can also -” Chuckles spilled, and Satish faked a high-pitched Chinese accent. “- Jiao wo huang shang*!”

 

The reference to the famous NTU legend came out of the blue, and Wei Loong could not hold back from laughing despite his predicament. The arms around him tightened their hold, and Wei Loong was pressed so close he was made to bounce along with every heave of their hearty laughter.  Dizziness held sway as the reassuring scent that Satish wore enveloped him, and his face burned from mirth, embarrassment and the undeniable joy he felt from reconnecting after a fallout. 

 

His heart was still beating fast when he was let go and helped to a sitting position.

 

“Okay, enough of jokes, I have to go.” Satish picked up his sling back and got to his feet. “I’m taking Grab home, want to hitch a ride?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Wei Loong answered without thinking. Right after, he shook his head to clear the haze. “Uh, actually it’s okay. My house not on the way, and I want to buy something to eat first.”

 

There were other reasons, worries about where their relationship was headed, and he was glad Satish did not press the issue. While waiting for the car, they chatted a little about how Satish’s parents reacted when they got to the hospital; they actually got lost and called him, the patient, for directions to the observation ward. As Satish described how they over-reacted, and how his brother called him from overseas, his lips curled into the kindest smile, and Wei Loong felt happy for him to have a loving family. 

 

“Oh yeah!” Wei Loong remembered something as the car approached. He fished the thumb drive from his pocket, and he thought it was weird how easy it felt passing it to Satish now, despite his hesitation yesterday. “I loaded some Lion Dance videos inside for you. Watch when you’re free.”

 

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to watch everything.” Satish received it with a nod and reached out to ruffle Wei Loong’s hair. “See you tomorrow.”

 

As the car drove off, Wei Loong brought a hand up and touched the displaced strands absent-mindedly. Satish’s words, the way they practically hugged and laughed together, kept playing in his head, and he could not shake off that pesky little devil that had been poking at his loneliness with its pitchfork since Satish left. He tried telling himself that Satish was just playing around, but his heart was a rebellious bastard that would not calm down.

 

His brain, on the other hand, was more cooperative and offered distractions, the biggest being the unresolved issue of the change in partner. Satish had said ‘see you tomorrow’, but that would not happen if Wei Loong did not change Master Ye’s mind. A little calmer now, he took out his phone and stared at Master Ye’s number, contemplating what to say. He was so deep in thought, the vibration from an incoming message made him jolt.

 

It was from Satish.

 

‘Hey, I forgot to tell you just now, but it’s okay, you don’t have to talk to Shifu. I’ll do it.’

 

Wei Loong stared at the message in pleasant surprise, heartened to know that his partner was going to put up a fight. Master Ye might be strict, but Wei Loong knew the man had a soft spot for each and every one of his students. More importantly, Master Ye had always preferred to talk about things face to face; the chances of changing his mind would be higher if Satish approached Master Ye himself instead of relying on Wei Loong.

 

He typed his reply, a simple ‘ok, all the best!’ and at the exact moment he pressed ‘send’, another message came in, and this one made him forget to breathe.

 

‘I don’t want anyone else to partner you.’

 

His eyes went through the line again, and again when a gasp of air entered his lungs.

 

“You really think this is primary school ah?” he asked the screen aloud.

 

His composure quickly fell apart as the drums in his chest took over and his soul leapt to seize the prize, soaring higher and higher and making it impossible for Wei Loong to fight the grin that had plastered itself to his face. Yet at the same time his head hammered in warning, his knees felt weak, and at once he folded over and crouched low, cradling his phone as a Lion would guard the mandarins. Tempted yet fearful, the Lion hesitated, unsure what word to make of the fruit in his hands. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaya Papaya - Someone who is arrogant or boastful.  
> Han nah - Ok fine.  
> Jiao wo huang shang! - Chinese for 'Call me emperor'. Infamous legend. Came from a rumour that someone overheard two people having sex somewhere in the uni, and the guy shouted this line lol.
> 
> ** The last line is a reference to the practice of peeling and arranging mandarin oranges into auspicious words during a Lion Dance performance.
> 
> Comments: This turned out to be a long chapter! Phew! I'm happy to finally give the twins a bit more spotlight (I may be writing BL but I love my female charas) and I look forward to writing more about them~   
> Both Wei Loong and Satish have quite a lot of baggage from the past, and it'll be a challenge for them to get together despite the obstacles in such a short span of time, but I hope you're rooting for them!


	7. Chapter 7

Satish wished his brother would just hang up already.

 

“I know you think I’m naggy, but I’m just so worried about you, Thambi*.” This part of him was exactly like their mother. Satish could not contain a sigh as his brother continued. “You can’t seriously be considering an arranged marriage?”

 

The question sounded mocking to him, but Satish said nothing. His brother had called to ask about his health, and somehow the conversation came to this topic. It might be a passing storm, brought up at a whim, and so Satish thought it best to remain quiet.

 

“Amma and Appa are too old-fashioned. They think women must be subservient, child-bearing, stay-at-home damsels. Surely you think that’s bullshit too? I mean, you’ve seen how they treated Rebecca when she went to Singapore to visit them, right? Just because she has pride in her work and doesn’t want to have babies…just because she’s Caucasian they treat her like shit.”

 

It was more complex than that. She was inconsiderate in the way she asserted her views too. As his brother continued ranting about past grievances, Satish found it harder to pretend he heard nothing.

 

“Come on, it’s the 21st century! We have the freedom to love anyone we want.”

 

Not for him. His brother didn’t understand. How easy it was for a privileged straight man who shirked his responsibilities to talk about freedom.

 

“Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone you don’t even like? I mean, look at our parents -”

 

“With all due respect, Annan*.” Satish’s hands were cold, and his mouth did not feel like his own. “Arranged marriages are still common in this age, and one can always learn to love. Our parents may be too traditional. They have flaws and they make mistakes. And yes, they don’t get along, but they still raised us. Do you even know how sad they were when you just left and never came back? When you got married without even telling them?  All they wanted was your happiness, but you -!”

 

“I think that’s enough, Thambi. You don’t get to judge me.”

 

The cold retort froze the words in his throat, and he found it hard to breathe. His brother was right, he should stay out of it. There was no need to make things ugly. If he stopped here, their relationship could still be salvaged. His brother had always been good to him when he was still in Singapore. Despite their big age gap, his brother spent time with him and helped with his homework. If he apologized now, he was sure he would be forgiven, because his brother always forgave his misdeeds when he was little.

 

But the flames in his gut could not be quelled, and the heat surged to his chest, proving he was not ‘nevermind’ with everything. He sucked in a breath, and the words in his throat thawed.

 

“Whose fault do you think it is that I have to accept the arranged marriage?” He clutched his phone tight and pushed through gritted teeth what he had always wanted to say. “Because you just ditched us and left, because you and your wife want freedom and won’t have kids, the burden is passed down to me. What do you expect me to do, huh? Disappoint Amma and Appa again? It’s your damn fault that I’m doing this, and you say you’re worried about me? Bullshit!”

 

His outburst led to a long silence, save the staggered gasps on his end. His head hammered from the anger, and all he wanted was to hang up, but it seemed too rude even for a quarrel.

 

“Satish,” His brother spoke at last, voice tinged in sadness. “I don’t know what to say…”

 

“Then don’t say anything,” Satish pressed. “You just live your life in bliss over there, and don’t tell me how to live mine. Bye.”

 

He waited for a reply, but there was none, and so Satish hung up. He stared at his phone, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings once again. The night breeze, rustling trees, and the pools of light from the streetlamps around the community center’s carpark. He heard a car pulling up, and it was with tremendous effort that he lifted his head to see if it was Master Ye. After a confrontation with his brother, he really dreaded another, but he had decided yesterday that he was going to do this, and he would not let Wei Loong down.

 

His brother spoke about the freedom to love, but Satish was gay and Wei Loong was straight. After yesterday, Satish had been unable to stop thinking, wondering about the ‘what if’s that he had never even dared to consider in the past. But this phone call slapped him awake, and he supposed he had to be content with having made a close friend who knew and accepted his sexual orientation.

 

Straightening his back and stuffing the phone into his pocket, Satish braced himself to fight to stay as Wei Loong’s partner and continue practicing Lion Dance. To fight like it was the only thing he would ever fight for.

 

He was confused when Master Ye jogged towards him with a concerned look on his face.

 

“Satish? You okay?”

 

It wasn’t until Master Ye handed him a tissue that he realized he had been crying. He wiped away the tears with the back of his hand and dipped into a bow.

 

“Shifu, please let me stay.”

 

+++

 

“Huh?! Like that also can?!”

 

Wei Loong doubled over with laughter and sent a few slaps at Satish’s back. They were sitting on a kerb outside the hall, away from everyone else because Wei Loong had been dying to know the details. Practice had started the moment Master Ye strode into the hall, and there had been no clue except for a thumbs-up and cheeky smirk from Satish. Obviously, they couldn’t chat during practice, which was why Wei Loong grabbed his partner and dashed outside the second their break was announced. He had to know how Satish convinced Master Ye to change his mind, and the story did not disappoint.

 

“Yeah, so apparently Shifu misunderstood.” Satish chuckled before clearing his throat and doing an impersonation. “Got anything, slowly say, no need cry! Then he said some Chinese proverb, I think. Something about men, tears, qing dan**…?”

 

“Oh, oh, I think I know which one. It means men don’t let tears fall easily unless it really hurts. Something like that.”

 

“I see. Yeah, he said if I care about Lion Dance enough to shed tears, then I should be allowed a second chance.”

 

“So you never tell him actually is just got sand in your eye?”

 

“Might as well take advantage of the situation, right?”

 

“Win liao loh!”

 

Wei Loong lurched to his left, bumping shoulders so Satish lost his balance and swayed to the side. There was some whining and a playful shove in return, and Wei Loong found himself unable to stop grinning. He was laughing too much, and it reminded him of how he felt back on the hill. Dizzy. He had been like this the entire day, unable to focus at work and constantly checking his phone because, instead of resting properly, the crazy Satish had been sending him memes and chatting about everything under the goddamn sun. Their chat had flowed from one topic to another, and when Satish sent a picture of his self-made lunch, Wei Loong shared about his restaurant idea and how easy it would be to find potential partners by luring them with food. They jokingly agreed that Satish should quit school and test out this theory, and Wei Loong would be his first customer.

 

Not that Wei Loong was gay, of course. He was just being a supportive friend.

 

Trying very hard to stop being so happy, Wei Loong dragged his palm down his face to reset his facial muscles.

 

“Actually hor, I think right from the beginning, Shifu not serious about kicking you out.”

 

“Hmm? Why do you say that?”

 

Satish leaned forward, elbows on knees, tilting his head to maintain his gaze. That angle, combined with dim lighting from the street lamp, added a veil of mystery over the man’s dashing features. Wei Loong almost forgot what he had wanted to say.

 

“Because right, you see hor, that William guy not here mah.” He cleared his throat and looked away. “If Shifu was serious, he would have told William to come today, correct? I think he’s just testing you. He believed you would still show up, and you proved him right.”

 

“You think so? I thought he don’t like me.”

 

“No lah. He’s like that one, always testing people.”

 

Wei Loong went on to talk about how Master Ye pushed him to go for competitions in the past, during a time when he was more interested in hanging out with his friends than practicing Lion Dance. How Master Ye found him smoking, drinking and being a public nuisance one day but did not scold him. The benevolent-looking man only gently, and very quietly, offered to disown him.  When he went crawling back the next day to ask for forgiveness, Wei Loong found out that Master Ye had already gone ahead and registered him for a competition, and his parents had already given their consent. Apparently, it was to ensure he would be too busy training to play a fool.

 

“Ah, but he really got expel some buggers from the troupe before, so still safer to assume his threats are serious.”

 

It was only when Wei Loong stopped talking that he realised he had only been listening to his voice the whole time. Satish was quieter than usual, and he was staring straight ahead at empty space. It made Wei Loong wonder if he had been too chatty or said anything that Satish disliked, which was why he felt relieved when there was a response.

 

“It’s nice to have someone who watches out for you like this.”

 

“Yeah loh!” A grin came easily to Wei Loong’s face. “Shifu really helped me out a lot in the past. I’m indebted to him.”

 

Satish nodded, but something about his smile felt off. Wei Loong shifted closer, bending his head and scrutinizing to figure out what was wrong. His attempt was however thwarted by a flick to his forehead.

 

“Ow! What the fuck?!” He backed off, but he thought the slight pain was worth it because Satish was laughing.

 

“Nothing. Your face very funny.” When those chuckles ceased, Satish fired another shot as if as an afterthought. “Get so close for what? Not scared later I spread the gay to you?”

 

Distracted by the charming smirk, it took a full second before Wei Loong registered what was said. His jaws went wide open, and the jolt in his heart turned into embarrassment that erupted in a single exclamation.

 

“Siao ah?!”

 

“Um, excuse me, Wei Loong?”

 

The timid and feminine voice drifted from behind, and it could only belong to one person. Never had Wei Loong been this glad to be interrupted.

 

“Yeah? Ceres?”

 

She stood a distance away, hesitant to approach, which was understandable considering how loudly he was shouting just now. Would it be weird to explain that they weren’t quarreling?

 

“Shifu said he got something on and told Mr. Hok to take over, and Mr Hok is asking for you.”

 

“Huh? How come so sudden? Shifu got say anything?”

 

Ceres shook her head and Wei Loong shrugged. Whatever it was, he was glad to be taken out of the awkward situation. He wondered if it was just him or was Satish’s skin growing thicker by the day, and if the latter was true, he wondered how he might survive the next heart attack. Pushing the thought aside with a self-reminder that he wasn’t gay, Wei Loong walked ahead of Satish back to the hall.

 

+++

 

Ah Hok’s instructions were strange. He wanted Wei Loong to help Ceres with the micro-movements so that Ah Yong could focus on teaching Selene. It made sense on the surface, assigning tasks to the respective pros so training could be more efficient, except Ah Yong had been doing well with teaching both sisters all this time, and Wei Loong had to practice with Satish.

 

Obeying out of deference – the laid-back coffee addict was their manager after all – Wei Loong focused on his job, demonstrating and guiding Ceres’s actions to be more specific. She struggled with the multi-tasking, and thus, with Ah Yong’s permission, Wei Loong simplified some of the movements so it would be more manageable. But as each minute ticked by, he grew more restless. Satish had been sitting alone at the corner reviewing his own steps, but in reality the man was just zoning off since it would be strange if he left earlier than everyone else. Wei Loong could tell, and he was becoming increasingly certain that there was something bothering Satish.

 

“Okay lah, improve a lot already,” Wei Loong gave a thumbs up to Ceres, but his heart was not in it. “You don’t mind I go practice with Satish?”

 

“Sure, thanks so much for your help!”

 

Her radiant smile made Wei Loong feel a little bad, but he scurried off nonetheless, eager to make the most of the last thirty minutes they had. He was annoyed when Ah Hok intercepted him.

 

“What you think? Mei Mei* is a sweet girl hor?”

 

He stared at the older man incredulously. First it was Satish, and now Ah Hok. Just what had he done to give the impression that he was interested in Ceres?

 

“You don’t anyhow stir shit hor,” Wei Loong warned. “Later Ah Yong angry at me over this, how?”

 

“Ah Yong always angry at you anyway what. Don’t worry about him lah. See, he getting along so well with the Jie Jie.”

 

It was true, no matter how impossible it sounded. The two were actually communicating with each other instead of being at loggerheads. But that was none of Wei Loong’s business. Even if helping Ceres had led to this change, Wei Loong’s primary concern was practicing his routine with Satish. The more he thought about it, the angrier he felt for being forced to ditch Satish for almost an hour just because Ah Hok was trying to stir shit.

 

Brushing past Ah Hok, Wei Loong went on to look for Satish but the man was nowhere in sight. Worried that Satish might have given up on waiting and left, Wei Loong yanked one of the drummers from his practice and questioned him.

 

“Not sure leh, maybe go toilet?”

 

The suggestion sounded plausible, but Wei Loong had a feeling that wasn’t it. A seedling of dread was growing within, and as strange as it seemed, he thought he might lose Satish if he did not reach the man in time.

 

“You looking for Satish right?”

 

Auntie Lian’s question yanked him from his thoughts. He whirled around and clasped her shoulders.

 

“You know where he go?”

 

“Aiyo, so kanchiong* for what?” She slapped his hands away and dusted her shoulders, muttering about some bad luck superstitions. “He go storeroom put back some things lah.”

 

“Okay thanks!”

 

He must have looked strange to people, dashing away like he was rushing to get reincarnated, but he didn’t care. No one else would notice the subtle hints because the man had always been low-key, but the unusual quietness, unnatural smile and unquestioning acceptance of solitude all screamed sadness to Wei Loong, and he could not afford to turn a blind eye. A suspicion surfaced as he passed by the kerb where they sat during the break, and it made him feel like the most gullible fool. What if Satish was not telling him the whole truth earlier? What if the sand-in-the-eyes story was fake and Satish had really been crying?

 

True to Auntie Lian’s words, Satish was in the storeroom, but instead of putting things away, he was on the phone and speaking in Tamil. Wei Loong remained at the door, but the sound of his panting had already alerted Satish. As they stared at each other across the small confines of the storeroom, a woman’s voice from the phone could be heard going ‘hello? hello?’

 

“Sorry,” Satish mumbled and held up a hand, gesturing for Wei Loong to wait while he continued to speak in Tamil.

 

The call ended abruptly soon after, and the subsequent silence felt unbearable.

 

“It’s probably not my business. But who’s that?” Wei Loong asked. He felt bad for interrupting, but at the same time, he was filled with unease. “Your relative?”

 

It was a simple question, yet no answer came. Satish was glancing to the side, arms limp but fists gripped tight. There was a complete absence of smiles, not a trace of the man’s usual goofiness, and when he finally replied, it was a monotonous question.

 

“What about Ceres?”

 

“What talking you? You’re my partner, not her.” Wei Loong stepped inside, pulling the door shut behind him, hoping that the privacy would encourage Satish to confide in him. “Okay so what is it? You look sad.” The enduring silence shaved at his patience. “Come on lah, just say leh. I won’t tell anyone. Or is it you don’t trust --”

 

“She likes you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It’s an open secret. All the first years know it. I mean, why did you think Selene never let Ah Yong near Ceres? She’s eliminating obstacles for her sister.” Satish explained calmly. “I think the others in the troupe are also catching on. You’re the only who’s not getting it. I think even Ah Yong has an inkling by now.”

 

“Wait, wait.” Wei Loong held his forehead. “Okay, even if that’s true, what’s it got to do with what’s bothering you?”

 

“You really don’t get it, huh? It’s okay. It’s better this way.”

 

Satish turned to confront him, and Wei Loong was reminded of the quarrel they had just yesterday, except this time he had neither knowledge of what’s happening nor how to make things better. He could only stare at the resignation written across Satish’s face and be utterly useless.

 

“That was my fiancée. Her name is Reena. Once this competition is over, I’ll be flying to India to meet her for the first time.”

 

Wei Loong turned cold at the revelation and he could hardly process the words that came after the first sentence. He dropped his gaze to the floor, suddenly finding it difficult to look at Satish. His mouth moved on its own. “Wait, first time? An arranged marriage?”

 

“Yes. My parents decided and I agreed to it. I had been procrastinating, but I finally gave her a call.”

 

“Oh,” was his dumb response. What else was he supposed to say? Congratulations? It didn’t make sense to Wei Loong, nothing did. Because first and foremost, Satish shouldn’t be agreeing to the arranged marriage. It was wrong, and as this sentiment grew, so did his indignation. “B-But, you’re gay!”

 

“Yes, I am. This is more for my parents than myself.”

 

“Huh? Where got people get married for their parents one? It’s not the 60’s leh, oi! Like that you confirm won’t be happy leh. I mean –”

 

“I’ve already decided.”

 

Wei Loong drew in a deep breath, gathering his thoughts and trying to figure out how to put them across. Like hell he’d let Satish end the chat like that.

 

“Okay. Wait. You book plane tickets already? You decided which day to fly yet?”

 

“No, not yet.” Satish admitted with a sigh. “We were just talking about it.”

 

“Got any papers signed? Any…I don’t know, contracts?”

 

“No lah, there’s no such –”

 

“Okay, then nothing is set in stone yet.” He took a brave step forward and grasped Satish’s arm. “I think first of all, you have to tell your parents you’re gay.”

 

Satish flinched visibly, but Wei Loong did not back down.

 

“If they know you’re gay, they’ll realise that the arranged marriage will not give you happiness, and they’ll –”

 

“You don’t know them,” Satish argued, but Wei Loong let it slide.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know them, but I know they went to see you at the hospital, correct? They care about you.” He tilted his head in pursuit of Satish’s avoidant eyes. “You think they’ll really like it if you sacrifice your lifetime’s happiness just to appease them?”

 

“You don’t understand, they’d be crushed if they knew I’m gay.”

 

“If really so hard, then you tell that girl. Otherwise, what? You want to deceive your wife for the rest of your life?”

 

Satish snapped to look at him, and the pain in those dark eyes drove a stake through Wei Loong’s heart. He had said too much. Surely, Satish had already thought about all these and yet chose to make the difficult decision. Wei Loong had no right to judge, he was just an outsider, a friend, not someone special enough to make a difference.

 

Letting go, Wei Loong asked one final question. “When did you decide? Last month, before you joined Lion Dance? Last year?”

 

There was a pause because Satish mumbled, “last Saturday.”

 

It was as if the last piece of the puzzle fell in place, and the gears were set turning. Wei Loong covered his mouth, remembering what happened on Saturday – they went to the cat café together, he brought Satish to his house, they broke in and watched videos, and Satish…Satish tried to touch his face. Satish didn’t want anyone to be his partner and was bothered that Ceres liked him. The memes they had exchanged, the laughter they had shared, the mutual teasing, and the glances they sometimes stole at each other, all pointed to the one suspicion Wei Loong had been trying to avoid.

 

He bit his bottom lip, feeling his whole face heat up. He could be overthinking, Satish might laugh at him, but if it meant stopping the arranged marriage, he was willing to go all out.

 

“Is it…Is it, you like me?” He let loose a bated breath and drew another. “Is it because that time I ran away from you?”

 

Shock replaced the look of devastation, and it spurred Wei Loong on. He stepped nearer, reached out with shaky arms and wrapped them around Satish. It was the boldest thing he had ever done, and he was so gripped with nervousness that nothing caught his senses other than the fluttering in his own chest.

 

“If we go steady, will you cancel the marriage?” He was getting ahead of himself, but his courage was a finite blessing from heaven, and he had to get everything out before he died from embarrassment. “Y-You can do whatever you want. I won’t run this time.”

 

He didn’t dare to look up. He didn’t dare to move a single inch and he prayed Satish would just hurry up and say something.

 

“…I thought you’re not gay?” Satish’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it reverberated in Wei Loong’s ears and made him shiver.

 

“I don’t know…” Determined, or perhaps desperate, Wei Loong wound his arms tighter and pressed their bodies together. There it was again, the reassuring scent and strong heartbeats. “I don’t know, but I’m okay with this.”

 

He heard Satish take a trembling breath. He sensed Satish’s large hands hovering over his back before closing the distance, its warmth to permeating through the thin t-shirt and spreading to his skin. Wei Loong quivered from the heat and fought to stay still as the hands slid lower to his waist. Satish leaned over so their cheeks touched, and the full weight of his own words dawned on Wei Loong. He panicked, realizing he might not be as ready for this as he had thought. What if he was not gay after all? What if he was leading Satish on? They were being too rash and going too fast, but it seemed too late to abort the jump.

 

He sneaked a shy glance when Satish pulled apart to let their noses touch, and the brief eye contact eased his doubts. He had never seen Satish this vulnerable, both sincerity and fear laid open without cover. In the stuffy, soundless room, Wei Loong closed his eyes, clutching the ends of Satish’s t-shirt with his fingers and waiting, craving, till their breaths became one in a tender kiss.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thambi - Younger brother in Tamil  
> Annan - Older brother in Tamil  
> Mei Mei - Younger sis in Chinese. Jie Jie is older sis. Can't remember if I've explained before  
> Kanchiong - in a hurry
> 
> ** the actual saying is 男儿有泪不轻弹，只因未到伤心处
> 
> I'm really sorry for the late update! Kid fell sick, husband went overseas, and then kid fell sick again so I hardly got a break the past three weeks. I'm glad I finally wrote this chapter, it turned out quite differently from how I envisioned it previously. Also, apart from Singlish, I realised I'm using quite a lot of expressions that perhaps only Singaporeans and Malaysians will get, and since it's too much work to explain everything, please feel free to ask me if you have questions!
> 
> This story is going to be rather short, I think. Maybe around 13 chapters? Definitely not as long as POI due to the tight timeline of the story, and also because I seem to lack the stamina to write long stories these days. Hope you'll enjoy this story nonetheless!
> 
> Ending my comment just to say, Wei Loong, don't worry, you are 100% confirmed guaranteed plus chop, gay.


	8. Chapter 8

The way Satish held his face felt like a stern reminder of his promise not to run, but even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. The kiss had stolen his ability to think and his reactions were entirely dictated by his body’s impulse, like gasping when the heat and wetness of lips became overwhelming. His fingers climbed up Satish’s shirt in search for more contact, yet they chickened out at the last second and settled with grasping the fabric over the chest, straining to hold on as Satish grew more demanding. A muffled protest leaked as his chin was lifted, and his feet shuffled backwards to find balance, but Satish caught him by his waist and drew him closer, at the same time pursuing his lips so Wei Loong had zero chance of finding a slightest shred of composure. Each nibble triggered a jolt, and it ran down his throat, chipping away his control until a moan escaped, bouncing off the walls and back into his ears to deepen his embarrassment. Satish pulled away slightly and mumbled a frustrated curse before attacking anew, darting the tip of his tongue along the narrow slit between Wei Loong’s parted lips. Unable to withstand the teasing, Wei Loong moaned again and squirmed in Satish’s arms, begging for a break so he wouldn’t go crazy from the foreign sensations.

 

The pause he needed came when his knees buckled, and he cried out in shock as he dropped. But instead of crashing to the floor, his feet left the ground. Satish had caught him, reached under and lifted, forcing Wei Loong to wrap his arms around Satish’s neck for support as his back hit the metal shelves. There was a raspy apology amidst the panting, and the next thing Wei Loong knew, he was propped against a shelf and straddling Satish, who was nuzzling against the crook of his neck.

 

“No, wait -!”

 

The rest of his protest was choked back as his mouth went wide in a silent cry. Satish was kissing his neck, suckling at the sensitive spot and draining him of the will to resist. Wei Loong tossed his head to the side, desperate to keep his voice in. His legs kicked and closed around Satish’s waist. His hands were a mess, pushing and pulling in contradiction as pleasure threatened to consume him. The shelves rattled each time he lost restrain and bucked his hips.

 

In the hazy desire, he came to realise how Satish was caressing his abdomen with fingers that had slipped under his tshirt. He squirmed in alarm, but perhaps misunderstanding it as coyness, Satish pursued further, tempting Wei Loong to cross a line he was not even experienced enough to draw. As anticipation climbed, so did fear, and the thought that he might be unable to face Satish after this, that this might impact their teamwork during Lion Dance, became the ultimate reason for him to slam the brake.

 

“Ah, no, I don’t want…. S-Satish, stop it. Oi…!”

 

As he wished, everything came to an abrupt halt. Wei Loong held onto Satish in a stiff embrace, caught between relief and regret, and he needed considerable support to get back on the ground. Sitting with his knees drawn to hide his erection, he raised both arms to shield his face, in disbelief of what just happened.

 

“I…I said I was okay, but…” He tried to calm down, but his face continued burning and his heart did not slow. The guilt of backing out caught up, and he had never felt more useless. “Fuck. I’m damn loser. Sorry, I –”

 

“If anyone should apologise, it’s me.” Equally breathless, Satish crouched before him, staring at the floor and holding a hand over his mouth as he spoke. “I got carried away. It’s not fair to you. You were just trying to stop my marriage. Sorry.”

 

Wei Loong listened quietly, and he found himself disagreeing. What Satish said was wrong. He was not doing this just to stop the arranged marriage. But the actual reason would not surface in the murky confusion, and the frustration was so great that the tears pooled in his eyes. To make things worse, his incompetent lungs squeezed, and the resulting gasp sounded like a sob.

 

“Oh no. Oh no, oh no.” Satish rambled, inching closer and reaching out to pry Wei Loong’s arms away. “I’m so sorry. I’m really so sorry! Don’t cry okay?”

 

“Shit. I…I’m not crying okay?!” He tried to yank his hands away but they were caught, brought together and clasped between Satish’s warm palms.

 

“Okay, yes, not crying. But I’m still sorry. I…” Satish trailed off into a sigh. He fidgeted, rubbing Wei Loong’s fists as if trying to warm them up. At last he bowed and brought their hands to his forehead. “I made you worry, and then took advantage of your kindness. For that, I’m sorry. But I…I’m not sorry for kissing you.”

 

The verbal admission of what just happened stirred up the embarrassment Wei Loong had been trying to suppress. He struggled, but a careless peek at Satish softened that resolve, and he was left with no choice but to hear the trembling confession.

 

“I like you, Wei Loong.”

 

It was his fault. He was the one who pushed Satish towards this confession. He had suspected all along how Satish felt for him, known it at the back of his head, and he also knew Satish would likely never confess, at least not before their performance was over. But Wei Loong had gone and done it, interfered with something that was none of his business, hinted that he might be gay, brought up Satish’s hopes, and allowed the kiss. All these, when he wasn’t even sure of his own feelings. He felt like the biggest scum on earth.

 

“It…It’s okay if you don’t answer. I also need time to think… need to calm down.” Satish let go and staggered to his feet. “I’ll message you later, okay? Right now, I can’t…”

 

The sentence was never completed. Satish fled the room, and Wei Loong remained sitting on the floor and hugging his knees, letting his head cool in the night air rushing in from the opened door.

 

+++

Lying in bed, Wei Loong scrolled through Twitter and Facebook even though it was midnight and he had work the next day. He saw cat videos, random memes, some news, funny stories, but none stayed on his mind longer than the seconds his eyes spent studying them. Still, he scrolled in a dull need for distractions, so he could wait without feeling like he was actually waiting.

 

When the message did come, he bolted upright.

_[Hey. I’m still sorry about just now.]_

At the top of his screen, Whatsapp told him Satish was still typing, but Wei Loong knew that already. It was something he had learnt during the entire day spent messaging each other; Satish preferred short messages over paragraphs and would indicate he’s done with either a question, smiley or gif.

_[What you said was right. I should tell my parents. Come clean.]_

_[But it’s not easy. It really isn’t.]_

_[I need more time. But for now I’ll try to delay the arranged marriage]_

_[I know I sound like a pussy. :’(]_

There it was, the signal. Wei Loong inhaled deeply and typed.

 

_[No lah. I understand. Slowly loh]_

_[I know I can’t delay forever. One day I will tell.]_

_[But it’s complicated with my parents]_

_[Tmr I tell you more ok?]_

_[Tmr?]_

_[It’s Thaipusam. I’ll be at the temple near your workplace]_

_[So after prayers we can meet for lunch]_

_[12pm ok? Or too early? I can wait]_

_[Uh, should be ok.]_

_[Great. I’m so happy you’re still ok with meeting me outside practice.]_

A loud ‘oh shit’ resounded in Wei Loong’s mind, and he recognized it as a lead-up to the main topic. He put the phone down for a while and stared at the ceiling, then he decided to be brave and picked it up again.

 

_[I’ve thought about it. I meant what I said, Wei Loong]_

_[I like you]_

_[I know we barely met for a month, but I like you]_

_[And I don’t want to get married to some random girl]_

_[After kissing you, I cannot imagine being with anyone else]_

Curling on his side and pulling a blanket over his head, Wei Loong read the messages over and over again, both impressed and amused by how smooth Satish was being. He wondered if Satish was also lying in his bed right now, and what expression he was wearing while typing these mushy messages. It would be nice if he was not the only one blushing.

 

_[You’ll still let me be your Lion Dance partner, right?]_

_[Yeah lah, duh?]_

_[Phew. I was so worried ^^;]_

_[Dun be siao lah]_

_[Now then wan change also too late edy*]_

_[Haha, that’s true. We practiced so much together.]_

_[Some more already confirm with shifu]_

_[If I back out now, he be like]_

Satish sent a gif of a volcano erupting, and Wei Loong chucked at the image.

 

_[Okay, it’s late, I don’t disturb you]_

_[Better go sleep soon]_

[I’ll see you tmr]

_[Yeah. C u. Nite!]_

_[and I’ll start properly wooing you ;)]_

 

Satish’s last message came right after he pressed ‘send’, and it made his jaws fall wide open. He never thought Satish would make things between them this official. Wasn’t it strange that the confession and wooing came after they made out? How did gay guys woo each other in the first place? More importantly, Wei Loong did not know whether to respond, since he had already ended the chat on his side by saying good night.

 

After a long deliberation, Wei Loong decided to just blue-tick it. Nothing he could say seemed right. From experience, ‘do whatever you want’ was too dangerous a phrase, and ‘yeah, sure, come at me’ would make it sound like a duel. A nonchalant ‘ok’ seemed worse than not replying at all, and anyway it would not be enough to reflect his true feelings.

 

Wei Loong was not going to turn down Satish. He couldn’t say no. His heart was beating too violently and a whole stampede was quaking in his belly. His lips still tingled from the kiss, and it felt like his feet would never touch ground again. He had never felt this strongly for any of his previous girlfriends who left him when he became too busy with Lion Dance to accompany them. Things would be different if he got together with Satish. They could go for practices together and still hang out for supper. Or they could go somewhere more private and…

 

Burying his face into the mattress, Wei Loong growled a prolonged ‘fuck’ and thought it would be apt for him to stay in this position and die of suffocation. Eventually he threw aside his covers, sprang from his bed and decided he needed another cold shower.

 

+++

 

What Satish conveniently left out was the fact that he would be bearing a Kavadi and walking 3km from one temple to another. Wei Loong found out when he was staring at his phone with groggy eyes at 6am, trying to make sense of the picture of a decorated metal structure that Satish sent. The caption accompanying it was ‘wish me all the best’, and there were no replies to Wei Loong’s questions. It was only when he remembered what Thaipusam was about that he realised Satish was going to get pierced by dozens of spikes.

 

A quick google informed him of the first temple’s address. He called to take leave from work, giving the same crappy excuse as the one he gave just two days ago, but he didn’t care because there was no way he would miss this.

 

He arrived at the temple at 7am, searching the crowd for a familiar face. He tried asking around, and it was sheer luck that he met someone who knew Satish and could advise how to find him. After taking a cab to the mid-point of the procession, Wei Loong hung around a live music station like one of the tourists and waited.

 

The drummers played a stately rhythm on the double-sided barrel drums slung over their shoulders, accompanied by the clarifying clinks of the tambourine and an ethereal melody from a wind instrument that Wei Loong did not recognize. Many had already passed the mid-point; dressed in orange, these devotees included women and young teenagers carrying pots on their heads. Kavadi bearers passed from time to time, surrounded by people giving them encouragement along the way, but there was no sign of Satish.

 

Dark clouds gathered and a light drizzle formed, but while tourists groaned and fished for umbrellas, the procession and musicians were unaffected. It was in the slight veil of rain, while peering over someone’s shoulders, that Wei Loong finally found the man he was looking for, rounding the bend and crossing the road towards him. He sprang into a run, splashing puddles along the way, ignoring the rain hitting his face and making his clothes plaster to his skin.

 

“Satish!”

 

It was an amazing spectacle. The large Kavadi was decorated with bells and peacock feathers, and it was balanced with thin spikes crisscrossing on Satish’s bare back and chest, as well as poles connected to the belt around his waist. A golden piercing hung between Satish’s eyebrows, a chain dangled between nose and lips, and a small spear ran across from cheek to cheek. Despite all these, Satish heard his call and glanced over in surprise. Wei Loong grinned and waved, too awestruck by Satish’s endurance to care about the delicate state of their relationship. He walked along the periphery of the procession, clapping and shouting encouragement, and he cheered louder when Satish added a bounce to his steps and spun a full circle. Noticing his presence, a middle-aged woman beckoned for him to come closer and essentially join the procession. He obliged, eager to lend some support after coming all this way. Satish could neither smile nor speak due to the piercings, but Wei Loong could tell he was happy, and that made everything worth it.

 

+++

 

 “Really not pain meh?” Wei Loong asked incredulously.

 

“It was okay,” Satish shrugged. “I focused on my prayers and didn’t think about anything else, except maybe when you showed up.”

 

Wei Loong pretended not to have noticed the meaningful gaze.

 

“Huh, so I shouldn’t have come?”

 

“No way. I was so happy to see you I forgot all about the pain.”

 

Instead of having lunch at a proper eatery, they were sitting on a sheltered stone bench behind the temple, wearing dry t-shirts bought from a vendor and eating the vegetarian food that some devotees had prepared. Wei Loong had felt a bit bad for taking free food as a non-Hindu, but most of the people were friendly and insisted that he must be hungry after accompanying Satish for half the procession. The deal closer was Satish’s mom, who had scooped food on a plate and handed it over without entertaining his protests, leaving him doubly guilty for being served.

 

His only way to atone and show appreciation was to finish the food, thus he chowed down and emptied the plate in a few short minutes. A quick glance to the right told him Satish was not even halfway through, and it was obvious why.

 

“Pain huh? Your cheeks?”

 

A wry smile, and a hesitant nod.

 

“I hope you don’t think I’m a wimp.”

 

“No lah!” Wei Loong set his plate aside, turned diagonally and pushed up his sleeve to reveal his tattoo. “This stupid thing? I got when I was 18. Bloody hell hurt like fuck, I legit almost passed out towards the end. And it was just a freaking tattoo, small needles poking my skin, not like yours got like fifty sticks stabbing into your flesh**. Wah lao I see also want to faint. And that thing you were carrying was, what, 30kg?”

 

 

“Somewhere there?” Satish did a little head bobble. “We go through a lot of preparation to carry it, like keeping in mind our reasons for doing this. For me, it’s to give thanks for getting into Uni.” He gave an embarrassed laugh. “I didn’t exactly score well for my A levels.”

 

“Huh. I thought you’re the nerdy type.” Wei Loong said off-handedly. Whatever marks Satish achieved would be a ton better than his results in poly. “Doesn’t matter lah, now that you’re in Uni.”

 

“I guess.” Satish smiled and went on explaining. “We also prepare by praying daily and fasting. I was supposed to be fasting too, but my mom insisted I switched to eating vegetarian food after I got sent to hospital.”

 

“Ah, I see.”

 

“We were also supposed to be celibate and not have dirty thoughts. Oh, maybe that’s why my cheeks are hurting, huh?” Satish leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Punishment for last night.”

 

Unprepared for the bomb, Wei Loong gasped and tipped to his left, bracing against the bench with one hand and rubbing his ear with the other. Memories of their passionate kiss fleeted through his mind, and he failed to form a coherent facial expression to counter Satish’s mischievous grin. He couldn’t believe Satish would bring up the kiss so casually, and at a temple in broad daylight! Shamed boiled into outrage as he snapped his head to look around, worried that the other devotees might have heard the sinful whisper that their Lord Murugan had definitely overheard.

 

“I warn you first.” He waved his index finger did his best to appear stern. “Don’t talk about it again hor.”

 

“Sure, as long as I get to kiss you again.”

 

“Wah lao eh!”

 

Without thinking, he clasped a palm over Satish’s mouth, making the man recoil in pain. Worried, he apologized in a flustered manner, only to have Satish grasp his hand and try to bargain for a kiss as compensation. When he refused and told Satish to stop acting like a drunk and go home, he was invited to come along to ‘Netflix and chill’. It seemed whatever Wei Loong said, Satish had a perfect comeback, and they were locked in a cheesy flirtatious exchange that would have made Wei Loong puke if only it wasn’t about him.

 

It took a light smack on Satish’s wounded chest to end the teasing.

 

“Ouch. Ok, ok. I stop –” A subdued yawn replaced the rest of what Satish wanted to say. He set aside his half-eaten food and turned back to Wei Loong, fatigue apparent. “You know what? Let me nap a bit.”

 

“Huh?! Oi, what –”

 

Before Wei Loong could protest, Satish slumped sideways and rested against his shoulder.

 

“Nice weather lah. I’m very tired.”

 

“Wait, you can lie on the whole bench –”

 

“Please, Kor Kor. Just a short one.”

 

More than the childish title, it was the sweet, sleepy way Satish had mumbled that made Wei Loong bury his face in his palm. Satish’s hair tickled his neck, and before long he could hear the contented sighs, feel the rise and fall of each steady breath as the man drifted deeper into sleep. Still affected by the teasing earlier, Wei Loong looked around, hoping no one would see them like this. But they were in public after all. The ladies who prepared the food walked past and smiled at them, to which Wei Loong could only manage an awkward nod. One passerby even offered a blanket, which he accepted because it was starting to rain again and he didn’t want Satish to catch a cold. He was most nervous when Satish’s mom came over to thank him for taking care of her son. Yet despite the embarrassment, he found himself more concerned with letting the tired man rest. Admiring the long lashes and tall nose, Wei Loong fought back the urge to caress Satish’s face, tolerated how his heart was bursting with affection, and simply waited.

 

In that vacant time, listening to the downpour and taking in the smell of rain, Wei Loong’s mind drifted, imagining the future he could spend with Satish once the Chinese New Year rush was over. All the movies they could watch together, all the games they could play together, and all the places they could go. Those thoughts were more pleasant than the internal struggle with his redefined sexual orientation, and his dozy mind decided he cared less about gender than the person with whom he was falling in love.

 

A buzz from his pants’ pocket jolted him from reverie, and he squirmed to reach for his phone without disturbing Satish. It was a call from Ah Hok, and that raised his eyebrows since the manager seldom called him, if ever. Wishing the older man texted him instead, Wei Loong gingerly lifted the phone to his ears and set the volume as low as he could hear.

 

It was a decision he regretted right after the first sentence.

 

“Ah Loong, you stay calm and listen to me.”

 

He turned up the volume all the way, and his eyes widened as the bad news was delivered in frantic bits and pieces by the sobbing man. Satish stirred and woke, but Wei Loong did not allow a fraction of his attention to stray. His fingers were cold, and his lungs were filled by involuntary gasps. When at last he found his wits, he was shouting.

 

 “Stop crying, Ah Hok! Tell me which hospital! Where is Shi Fu now?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edy - already
> 
> ** The sticks are called vels and no they don't go deep into the flesh. Wei Loong said that to be dramatic lol. Do google Thaipusam to understand more about the festival and why they choose to pierce themselves and carry the Kavadi! On a side note, I'm very glad that the SG government decided this year to allow live music during their procession as it would greatly help the devotees by boosting their spirits. Final note: this fic is supposed to be based on this year, but I got the dates wrong oops. Thaipusam 2019 was on a Sunday, but it's Thursday in this fic. Please overlook this small mistake.


	9. Chapter 9

Even now, the sight of his grandfather still inspired fear. Wearing a suit, with his white hair combed to the side, the elderly man appeared untouched by time and was every bit as powerful as two decades ago when Wei Loong was first brought to the old house. That perpetual frown and disapproving gaze, as if staring down at the most worthless piece of trash, was reserved for Wei Loong alone.

 

If possible, he really wanted to avoid this; their occasional meetings in family gatherings were stressful enough, but he had questions.

 

Bearing in mind his Shi Fu’s unconscious form on the hospital bed, he strode across the marble flooring, tolerated the chill in this office of glass and metal, and sat in the leather chair opposite his grandfather.

 

“Ah Gong.” His own voice sounded weird and stiff. “I heard you met with Shi Fu last night.”

 

A scoff. An impatient glance at his watch.

 

“I have a meeting soon. Get to the point.”

 

“He’s hospitalised.” Wei Loong pressed his fists against his thighs. “He had a heart attack and lost control of his car on the way home. They only found him in the morning. The doctors say it’s a miracle he’s alive, but he’s still in a coma.”

 

His grandfather cast him a measuring glance. He fought the urge to look away and waited for a response, hoping for sympathy even if it was only on the surface.

 

“I will send some flowers,” his grandfather replied blandly, devoid of compassion, and reached for the phone.

 

Wei Loong slammed his palm on the desk and rose from the chair.

 

“I’m not here to ask for some stupid flowers,” he said, trembling from both rage and fear of the consequences he might suffer later. “Shi Fu left practice early last night because you called him, and after that he got heart attack. Can’t be coincidence, right?!”

 

“I will not speak to a hooligan. Sit down.”

 

The command left no room for argument. It was a warning, perhaps the final warning, and Wei Loong understood that he should be thankful for being given one at all. No one in his extended family dared to chance the patriarch’s wrath; they lived in precarious balance on the golden threads that he had woven, threads he could cut on his whim, like he did to his ex-son-in-law who had migrated from Singapore in defeat. The old man had so much influence in the country, and even abroad, that he could make an enemy’s life a total misery if he wished. Wei Loong’s unique role in the family only made him more susceptible.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled and sat down. “I was just worried about Shi Fu.”

 

“I know you look up to him, which is why I’m not bothered by your outburst.” The old man leaned back and crossed his arms. “But you must watch your words. If you say something that sounds like slander again, even your dear father will not be able to save you.”

 

There it was, the old man’s pawn. Wei Loong gritted his teeth.

 

“It is true I called Master Ye yesterday. He is a generous man, truly sincere. I didn’t expect him to show up personally at immediate notice, but he did, and we had a nice discussion about your future.”

 

“What…?” Wei Loong whispered, his face blanching from the awful realisation that he was involved.

 

“For years he had watched out for you, groomed you without expecting any reward. I thanked him for his hard work. I think we both agree that you would be nothing without him.”

 

It was one thing for Wei Loong to think this way, and another to have his grandfather put it across with condescension.

 

“We then talked about your failure four years ago and your recovery since. Master Ye believed you are ready for your next competition, but I disagreed. You see, I learnt of what happened to your partner recently, and I think it was no coincidence. You are still not ready, and you are in your mid-twenties.”

 

Wei Loong kept his head low, digesting what was being said. His grandfather had somehow found out what happened to Satish, had gone straight to Master Ye without telling him, had apparently determined on his behalf that he was not ready, without even suspecting that the true cause of the accident and his trauma was none other than the old man himself!

 

“Your grades were atrocious, but you can’t keep working as a receptionist at my hotel forever. So I made some arrangements for you to study in a university and got you a vacancy in Australia. Term starts in late February, but ideally you should go early to settle some logistics.” His grandfather reached into a drawer and slid a slip of paper across the desk. “Your flight tickets for next Friday. I had wanted to let your father break this news to you, but you came barging in here.” He shrugged. “You have a week to prepare. I trust that is more than sufficient.”

 

“A week?” Wei Loong muttered in disbelief. “Wait, I can’t. There’s a competition –”

 

“That silly informal event?” The old man scoffed. “What’s the point, Wei Loong? You’ll be spending four years in Australia soon, and after that you’ll work there for a while to repay your debts. Don’t tell me you want to resume doing Lion Dance after all these?”

 

Wei Loong felt his vision swim. This couldn’t be happening. His lifelong passion could not be robbed away at just one week’s notice. He was close to overcoming his internal battles, he had a feeling everything would be sorted out after the informal competition, and he could participate in a real one thereafter, with Satish as his partner. That’s right, Satish. He couldn’t leave Satish just like this. And Shi Fu would not let him give up and run away to Australia. Shi Fu would never agree to this, not after everything that they had been through together.

 

“What did Shi Fu say about this?” he asked, dreading to hear the answer.

 

“Your Shi Fu is a dedicated teacher. He objected, argued that you deserved a second chance to prove yourself. He bowed and asked me to let you stay, and I was touched by his sincerity, but the ticket has already been booked, and my grandson’s future is at stake.” His grandfather cleared his throat, as if the mere acknowledgement of their relationship made him ill. “I offered him compensation, to find another Lion Dancer to replace you, but he declined. I then offered a chauffer for his journey home, but he declined again and said he had his own car. The last thing I could offer were my best wishes.”

 

“Yeah, lol, your best wasn’t good enough,” he mumbled under his breath, and from the way his grandfather lifted an eyebrow, he knew it was not heard, which was probably fortunate.  But he didn’t care anymore. The fear that had plagued him since he stepped through this office’s door was overridden by adrenaline, and he was left with a clear head. He might be bad at Math and Science, but resolving a sticky situation was one of his forte. Master Ye must have seen the compensation offer as mockery, and feeling insulted and worried, suffered a heart attack on his way home and crashed his car into the woods. In other words, Wei Loong was part of the reason for his Shi Fu’s coma, and his grandfather would not hesitate to use this fact as a weapon should he show open defiance.

 

There was only one way out of this situation, and he had only one chance to secure it. He could not afford to mess up if he still wanted to stay in Singapore, in the troupe, by Satish’s side.

 

Putting aside anger, he stood up, held the ticket in both hands and dipped into a bow with arms outstretched, returning the wretched paper to his grandfather.

 

“I am grateful that you are thinking of my future, Ah Gong, but I would like to ask for your reconsideration.” He pieced together what he had to say next carefully, with as much precision as every micromovement in Lion Dance. “Growing up, I have learnt from you the importance of resilience. You have once said that failure is harmless, but accepting it would condemn a man. That’s why I continued doing Lion Dance even after that accident four years ago. I wanted to be as resilient as you.” The load of bullshit spilling from his mouth tasted like vomit. “And you were right, Shi Fu is an excellent teacher. That’s why I am desperate to repay him, especially now that he is unwell. I can do that if I take part in the next international Championship, I can overcome my failure and make both of you proud if I win. This silly informal competition is just…is just a stepping stone.” He faked a casual chuckle. “It means nothing to me. It’s not even recognized. But it will be a good way for you to see my growth. See my growth, and then decide if I am still a failure.”

 

His grandfather did not really care about his future, that much Wei Loong knew. The old coot only ever cared about the family’s reputation. As long as he gave his grandfather something to brag about, he would be able to live in relative peace. In other words, he had no choice but to bet his entire life on Lion Dance.

 

“I see what you are proposing,” his grandfather said with an amused smirk. “Win and you stay, lose and you leave?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Very well.” The old man unfolded his arms and took the ticket from Wei Loong’s hands. “I can wait a week or two out of respect for Master Ye. I don’t want your father to think of me as a cruel man.”

 

“I’m sure he doesn’t.” Wei Loong straightened his back and bowed again. “Thank you, Ah Gong.”

 

He was given a dismissive wave. Wei Loong almost stumbled as he turned to walk away, for his mind was still reeling from all that had happened and could not spare attention to his feet. For now, he had averted a crisis, and there was a measure of relief, but once he was out of the door, the rage that he had been holding back soared again to life and made him want to scream. He wanted to smash his fist against the wall, yell vulgarities, curse the utter atrocity that was his fate in this family, but such actions were not allowed in the confines of his grandfather’s territory.

 

The rage had no choice but to manifest as tears, shameful droplets that he swiped away in hatred.

 

+++

 

It was a usual Saturday morning, except without Master Ye.

 

“Okay, we only have a bit more than a week to go.” Wei Loong addressed everyone from the stage. “Ah Hok is very affected by Shi Fu’s coma, so I told him no need to come. Ah Yong will oversee practice for the sisters’ performance, I will practice with Satish, and Auntie Lian is in charge of the drummers as always. Tomorrow we also have practice with the rest of the troupe for CNY, and Ah Meng will be in charge since he’s the most senior. He already came up with the duty rotation for CNY, later I will pass you all a copy. For people involved in both CNY and the Uni collab, we’ll be practicing every evening for next week. Please remember to take care of yourself, no one is allowed to fall sick, okay? Also, remember don’t tell anyone outside the troupe about Shi Fu. Some clients can be quite pandang* one, and we don’t want any last-minute cancellations…” He trailed off, took a new breath and spoke again. “We can do this okay! Shi Fu has taught us well and we must not let him down!”

 

There were no questions. They did their warm-up in the somber silence, and after that moved to their respective section of the hall. Wei Loong paused in his steps as he saw Satish fixing up the camera to record their practice. With no one to supervise them and give advice, they had to rely on themselves to find their own flaws. The idea was hatched by Satish, who had watched all the videos that Wei Loong passed him and joked that he could now be a professional critic.  It was the only strained joke from the man ever since Master Ye became unconscious two days ago, and they hadn’t talked about anything other than Lion Dance.

 

He knew Satish was trying to be considerate by not probing. He knew it would be best to take initiative and tell Satish about the confrontation with his grandfather. He knew, but the thought exhausted him before he could determine where to begin.

 

“Hey,” Satish turned around with a patient smile. “It’s done. You ready?”

 

Wei Loong looked away and answered, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

 

The drummers got into position, and the Lion, Sesame, was woken. Wei Loong threw his fears, worries and sadness into the practice, thinking it was the only way to do his best. More power in his jumps, more distance in his strides, more strength in his movements. More. He leapt up the first pole without hesitation and then led Satish into the challenging long-distance jump-lift they had been practicing. Images of his past trauma came assaulting, but he gritted his teeth and got through it, determined not to lose to his grandfather’s condemnation. Behind him, Satish shouted over the din that they should stop here to review their steps, a rational suggestion considering they had only just warmed up. Except it sounded cowardly to Wei Loong. Knowing Satish would not be able to hear him even if he replied, he chose to ignore the suggestion and pushed forward, climbing to the highest pole and proceeding into the preparation phase of the most technically demanding part of their routine – the plucking of the lettuce. The drumroll softened, but it was more out of confusion than the original intent to build suspense. Satish proposed stopping again, arguing that they hadn’t practiced this part in front of Shi Fu.

 

But Shi Fu was in a coma. He might not wake up in time for the competition. He might not wake up ever.

 

Gripping the handles tight, Wei Loong dipped into a low crouch and launched into a high jump, pushing the Head up in full extension. They held the position with Wei Loong suspended at the apex for as long as the momentum allowed. Then like a puppet with its last string severed, he dived downwards, crashing through wind and plunging head-first towards the prize. His legs wrapped around Satish’s waist at the last second and he felt the desperation of his partner’s grasp as he dipped past the pole’s platform, reaching through the Lion’s mouth for the lettuce that dangled below.

 

It was over in an instant. His fall jerked to a halt too soon and his reach came up short. The tip of his fingers swiped at nothing but air, and he was yanked back to safety without the lettuce.

 

The drumming stopped. Sesame backed down the poles, ashamed of its failure. Once on ground, Wei Loong tossed the Head aside and paced around, vision painted over by frustration. At last he whipped around to face his partner.

 

“What the hell was that?” He seethed, unable to stop even after seeing the guilt in Satish’s eyes. “Why you hold me back? You think I cannot do it? I put all my trust in you, you know? You got trust me back or not?”

 

“I…I was caught off guard –” came the pathetic excuse.

 

“Off guard. Hah. Bloody hell we practiced this before, you cannot remember, is it?”

 

“Ey, relax lah,” Auntie Lian approached, one hand on her hip. “First run only, right? He can pull you back very good liao lah.”

 

However, her well-meaning defense only fanned the flames.

 

“You shut up!” Wei Loong raised his voice. “This is our business, don’t need you to kaypo*!”

 

“What’s wrong with you?” She switched to her more fluent Mandarin, adding a snappiness to her retort. “Do you have to throw such a big tantrum?”

 

“Um, what happened?”

 

The question floated in softly, and everyone turned to see Ceres standing at the side and looking on with worry. Tension rang in the hall until Auntie Lian released it with a dramatic sigh and the drummers dispersed for a break. Wei Loong hung his head, breathing heavily and hating how he was behaving.

 

“Wei Loong? Are you okay?” Ceres approached, touching his forearm in genuine concern.

 

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, distracted by how Satish seemed to be moving away and giving them space.  Resentment brewed.

 

“If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay.” He needed to be left alone. He needed her to go away.

 

“Oh, I know,” she clasped her hands together in good-natured enthusiasm. “I’ll help to distribute the printed schedule!”

 

“Okay. Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” she beamed, sparkling too bright for his liking. “Oh, and, I’ve checked with everyone and it seems Tuesday is a good day, so I was thinking we can hold it at –”

 

“Wait,” he interjected, feeling like his head was going to burst. “Good day for what?”

 

“The potluck. Remember? We –”

 

He snapped.

 

“Shi Fu is in coma and you’re still talking about the stupid potluck?!”

 

He yelled, louder than he ever intended, and she stumbled backwards with hands covering her mouth, shaken. Selene was there in an instant to hold her sister, glaring at Wei Loong in a mix of shock and outrage. The others gathered near the twins, projecting their silent disapproval with narrowed eyes. Even Satish wore a frown.

 

But it was understandable. Wei Loong knew he was being a complete asshole.

 

Just as Selene opened her mouth to deliver the condemnation he deserved, Ah Yong stepped in front of her, held up a hand, and strode over with a poker face. Wei Loong clenched his jaws and held his breath to ready himself, but what came was not a slap, just a pat on his shoulder.

 

“Go home and cool down.” Ah Yong said. “I handle the rest.”

 

Shame and regret welled up in Wei Loong’s throat, rendering him incapable of speech. He averted his eyes, nodded, grabbed his sling bag and left. He walked away from the hall, towards the entrance of the community centre where he parked his electric scooter, and he increased his pace when he heard Satish calling out for him.

 

“Hey, wait!”

 

Wei Loong reached his scooter and fumbled to undo the lock, but the stupid key would not cooperate, getting itself stuck for no reason. He gave a few futile yanks and kicked the wall. “Fuck this shit. Fuck!”

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll help you, yeah? It’s okay.”

 

The gentle voice covered him like a blanket, snuffing the flames that threatened to melt his brain, and he was able to take a deep shuddery breath. Heat lingered at the back of his eyes and there was the telltale sting as Wei Loong remembered how this had happened in the past, in the days leading to the big competition four years ago. He had been harsh towards Jansen, spewed cruel words he never meant because he was a jerk and could not control his temper. He thought he had matured since then, but apparently not.

 

“I’m sorry.” Wei Loong mumbled and sniffed. He didn’t want to lose Satish too. “I said some fucked up shit.”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. You’re stressed, and I was also at fault.”

 

Satish retrieved the key, stood up and handed it over with a smile. His niceness only made Wei Loong feel worse.

 

“I took it out on you. I’m a dick.”

 

A light smack landed on his chest, and Wei Loong looked up, bewildered.

 

“No boobs. Yeah, I guess you’re a dick and not a pussy, huh?”

 

Satish chuckled at his own lame joke, and all Wei Loong could say in response was an exasperated “Wah lao eh.” Still, the mirth got to him, lending some much-needed levity to his situation. The edges of his lips lifted, and he was thankful Satish came chasing after him. “Wish I could be like you. Always chill….well, most of the time lah. For me, just keeping a cool head takes so much energy, I…I can’t. I’m so tired.”

 

“You want to talk about it?”

 

Wei Loong relented. He had wanted to keep things to himself, solve it on his own and not drag others into his mess, but he’d learn from his irrational outburst earlier how that was a fool’s errand. Just like that, standing in the shadows of the empty foyer, he dived into what had been troubling him. Perhaps it would have been better to sit somewhere nice before sharing the long story, but Wei Loong needed to say everything before he changed his mind.

 

“I wasn’t born into my current family. I don’t know who my real father is, and my real mother struggled to raise me on her own. When I was five, she remarried, and things were good for a while because my Ah Pa is super kind and soft-hearted. But then she left us for another man.” He swallowed to get through this part. “I think it’s because my grandfather gave her too much pressure. He’s the head of the family, and my Ah Pa is his only son, so, you know, he hated that Ah Pa took in some bastard child.”

 

Wei Loong went on to talk about how his father remarried and his new mother was a much stronger woman. Even though Wei Loong did not share the same blood as either of his parents, they treated him like their own son. The problem came when they could not conceive children of their own.

 

“My Ah Gong called me a jinx.” He managed a wry smile. “Somehow it’s my fault they can’t have children. I also don’t understand his logic sia. But whatever lah, he just don’t like me lah. To him, I’m the bastard child of a bitch who made his son wear green hat*, and he hates that I’m the only one who can pass on the family name.”

 

Throughout his childhood, he struggled to get along with the rest of the family. People spoke behind his back, and every time his grandfather was unhappy, faults would be found and Wei Loong would be caned. His parents spoke up for him countless times, defended him, eventually moved out with him, but sometimes he still wondered if it was really his fault, that he brought bad luck to the people he cared about.

 

“That’s why, when the accident happened four years ago and Jansen was…aiya, you know already lah, hor?” Satish nodded and said nothing, leaning against the wall, looking down and emanating a dangerous aura. Wei Loong was both amused and touched. “You look like you want to fight my Ah Gong already. Hah! Wait till you hear about what happened yesterday, you will confirm want to punch him.”

 

He told Satish everything. There was a tense silence when he was done, following which Satish pushed off the wall and turned to him, looking so determined Wei Loong feared the man might be plotting murder.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

“Wha-?”

 

Before he could finish his question, Satish’s arms went around his back to lock him in a tight embrace. Wei Loong squirmed, and he couldn’t help but notice how much smaller his frame was, compared to Satish; their bodies fitted snugly together, and a girlish epiphany flitted through Wei Loong’s mind, that they must be made for each other, and he felt like punching himself.

 

“Don’t go to Australia. Don’t go anywhere,” said Satish who was too worked up to notice Wei Loong’s internal struggles. “You can plan your own future, you can go for further studies when you are ready. He can’t force you to do this. Who does he think he is? God? He can go fuck himself!”

 

“Woah, Satish, chill!” Wei Loong tapped Satish’s back repeatedly, trying to get those arms to loosen their hold. “It’s okay, we just have to win, then I can stay here in SG.”

 

“That’s the thing. Why the hell must we play by his rules? You’re an adult! No one can send you overseas if you don’t want to go.”

 

“Uh, actually he can leh. Not with his own hands lah, but he can hire people to do crazy shit. And if it gets so jialat, then my Ah Pa will be involved and there’ll be world war 3, and I just don’t want…” Wei Loong sighed. “I just want peace, you know?”

 

“If that’s the case, run away with me.”

 

The suggestion was far-fetched, and Wei Loong had a hard time deciding whether he should treat it as a joke, until the man pulled apart from the embrace to show that he was, in fact, deadly serious.

 

“If we lose, run away with me.” Satish held Wei Loong by his elbows. “My brother is in the U.S, we can hide there for a while.”

 

“You siao ah?” Wei Loong lifted an eyebrow. “Your studies how?”

 

“I can start over.”

 

“But your parents leh?”

 

Satish clicked his tongue, and for a moment Wei Loong thought he had struck the nail on the head, But Satish renewed his breath and persisted. “I’ll bring them along.”

 

“Huh?!”

 

The twitch of Satish’s lips proved Wei Loong was not the only one who thought this was getting ridiculous.

 

“Yeah I’ll bring them, like a family vacation,” A sheepish smile surfaced, and Wei Loong let loose an amused grin.

 

“Doesn’t work lah! Will be damn awkward can?”

 

“Well, you’ve already met my mom and she likes you.” Satish chuckled and shrugged. “Now I just have to come out and introduce you as my boyfriend –”

 

“Oi, oi, since when I’m your boyfriend?”

 

“You’re not?”

 

Wei Loong gasped when Satish leaned in suddenly, scrutinising him at such close proximity that their noses were a hairbreadth apart. Possessive arms looped around his waist, and though he thought of pushing away, the fear of aggravating the wounds from Thaipusam made his fingers hover over Satish’s chest, not daring to touch. Satish repeated the question with mock sadness, mischief glinting through those puppy eyes, and Wei long couldn’t think straight enough to make his denial sound convincing. The mingling of their breaths revived the memories of what happened in the storeroom, and he couldn’t help sneaking glances at Satish’s lips. When the question assaulted him again, denial died in his throat.

 

“Stop playing lah. What if someone sees –!”

 

The rest of his words were stolen in a kiss. It was just a peck, quick and light, something that could be played off as a joke. But it affected Wei Loong so deeply he didn’t think he could pretend to be just friends any longer. His heart was beating too fast and his face was burning under Satish’s intense gaze. The peck was not enough, nowhere near enough. His fingers inched upwards, pressing on the broad shoulders as a timid hint before rising on his tiptoes and tilting his chin, hoping the element of surprise would mask his nervousness.

 

It was then that a bunch of kids exploded from a classroom around the corner, forcing the two of them to jump apart in shock. Amidst the noisy chatter and footsteps, Wei Loong scolded himself. The community center was a busy place on Saturdays, with all their rooms booked for enrichment classes and other hobby groups. It was certainly not an appropriate place to share an intimate moment.

 

As his head cooled, he wondered if he was truly okay with this, going with the flow and getting carried away when everything else in his life seemed a chaos. Was it really fine to lead Satish on when there was a possibility of separation in the near future? The more he thought about it, the more it didn’t sit right that he was out here flirting instead of being back in the hall, apologizing to everyone. He had taken over in Shi Fu’s and Ah Hok’s absence, and he had let them down. What sort of selfish ingrate would he be if romance was all he could think about at a time like this?

 

“Sorry, I got to go,” Wei Loong spoke hurriedly and climbed on his e-scooter, doing his best to ignore the dismay on Satish’s face.

 

“Wait, Wei Loong, I –”

 

“I text you later, okay?”

 

He did not trust himself to stay a second longer. He didn’t even dare to spare one last backward glance as he sped away, blasting some random techno music to drown out regrets. Once he reached home, he ran to his room, threw on his work clothes and decided to report earlier to make up for his previous absences. Standing at the reception counter of his grandfather’s hotel, he straightened his tie and put on a smile for the customers, and at the end of the day, he took a quick shower and dived straight to bed. By then, 12 hours had passed, and he had not sent Satish a single text message.

 

“I’m a fucking coward,” he groaned into his pillow, hoping it would take pity on him and whisk him straight to dreamland, but it was not meant to be.

 

He spent the night in agony, wracking his head for an answer to everything, staring at his phone, at the few short messages Satish sent to ask about his day, as well as Ah Hok’s updates from the hospital. The Lion Dance group chat was eerily silent, a testament to the damage he had caused with his childish tantrum and his lashing out at the nicest girl he had ever met. He wondered if Ceres cried, whether Auntie Lian was still angry with him, and he wondered how he was going to face the rest of the troupe in a few hours at practice. In between these musings, worrying about the deal with his grandfather and praying for Master Ye’s recovery, Wei Loong drifted into a restless sleep, tossing frequently from nightmares based on reality, reliving the moment when he failed to grasp the lettuce, his fingertips clawing at the void in hopelessness.

 

A buzz stirred him in the middle of the night, and he sprang from bed at an instant, hyper aware of what a text at this hour could mean. He gripped his phone and checked the notification, reading the message over and over to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. At around the sixth repetition, his eyes began to water. For the past two days he had stayed strong, put on a calm facade before Master Ye’s family, told Ah Hok not to shed tears and instead, to believe that Master Ye would be tough enough to make it through. Wei Loong knew he was part of the reason why Master Ye collapsed, and perhaps just as his grandfather said, he was a jinx, but the heavens had graciously spared him of this fate and given him a second chance to repay the man for all the guidance and support he had taken for granted over the years.

 

In the darkness of his room, Wei Loong folded over and clutched the sheets, crying his heart out in sheer relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pandang - superstitious  
> kaypo - be a busybody  
> wear green hat - direct translation of a chinese phrase that means 'cuckold'
> 
> A bit of explanation about Wei Loong's family situation. Traditionally, Chinese families prioritise boys over girls as they are concerned with carrying on the family name, most people know this much. What makes WL's situation tricky is that he is the only son of the grandfather's only son, which means he is the Oldest Grandchild ('dua sun', in dialect) even if he has older cousins. In the family hierarchy, he is third in place, and he outranks his own mom and even his oldest aunt. This means he is traditionally entitled to the most inheritance right after his father.  
> Now, because he is not related to them by blood, he technically cannot be considered as the Oldest Grandchild. Unless one of the male child of his aunts changes their surname, the grandfather doesn't have an Oldest Grandchild, and the family name will end with WL.  
> It's a bit complex, and thats why the grandfather is sometimes bothered that WL can't amount to much (due to fear of poor reputation and gossip), and sometimes doesn't give a damn (because he's not planning to give WL the inheritance anyway).


End file.
